The Moon and the Orchid
by Mother of Purl
Summary: Howard has found a romance but many troubles surface in return.
1. Ellipse

Howard Moon was with his friend Lester Corncrake. The look on his face was a bit irritated, Lester was just being his usual weird self, but he was really driving the maverick's patience.

"Ok, a one and a two and a no, no, no, you're doing it wrong again you dunce!" Lester squawked.

Howard rolled his eyes and groaned. "Lester, I only came here for a cup of sugar," he said

"That's nonsense honky, keep moving! One and a two and oh! You dance like a deformed moose!"

"What? You can't even see me, how do you know how I'm moving?"

"I can hear you! You're stepping out of rhythm and you move so bad I can smell it! Ok, again one and a two and ah! Forget it you're hopeless!"

Howard plopped down on a chair exhausted. He didn't know how long Lester made him dance, but his whole body was exerted and nearly out of energy. He didn't really know why he hung out with the blind old weirdo except that they have a few things in common, like their love for jazz and music of similar genres, but other than that not much. Who else did he have to talk about his passion with? Vince hates it so much that he's allergic, Naboo can't stand the sound of it, and no point in trying to talk to Bollo about it, the big ape despises him. So Howard had no one but Lester to really talk with.

"Well boy, it doesn't matter if you're dancing sucks, there's other things you can do, like playing instruments, like a kazoo!" Lester laughed and slapped his knee.

"Yeah I'd be great with that," Howard said sarcastically while frowning.

"Here you go Louie Armstrong, start practicing!" Lester reached in his jacket and threw a plastic kazoo at Howard.

"Oh thanks!" Howard was becoming very irritated by Lester.

Lester laughed out loud. "I'm only messing with you Howard, I love you like as if you were my son!"

"Whatever you say weirdo," Howard mumbled.

"Woo! You're a riot Moon, that's why I enjoy your company!" Lester wiped away tears that formed from laughing too hard. "Oh, I forgot to tell you, I won't be here tomorrow because I'm going to the Blues Festival in New Orleans, so I'm going to be gone for a while."

"Isn't that a shame," Howard said. He really didn't care; he just wanted to go home so he can go in a jazz trance, so he can get away from everything like loneliness, ridicule, and any other things that ail him.

"Oh one more thing, my niece Alice is going to housesit for me, so I'd appreciate it if you could just drop by to keep her company sometimes," Lester said.

Howard looked up. He didn't feel as angry anymore. "Alice? You didn't tell me you had a niece." He said.

"Why wouldn't I? Don't you think I have family? I don't know about you, but I have a life!" the blind old man cackled.

Howard could've knocked him down, but he wanted to concentrate on Lester's niece that he never mentioned before. "So what's she like?"

"Oh she's in her twenties, very nice personality. I taught her everything I know, so she's spectacular. I don't know if she's good-looking, but I bet she is, after all she's related to me! So that's means she must have a black ass like me,"

Howard shook his head. He couldn't believe Lester's ridiculous delusion of being black. Lester was pale as a ghost and was old and gray. Besides that, Alice sounded like she'd be very interesting. If she was related to Lester, there'd be no doubt about him getting along with her.

"Well I guess I'll go then, Lester, have fun in New Orleans," Howard said as he was getting up to leave.

"See ya boy! Be sure to practice on that kazoo, you could become famous someday!" Lester laughed some more. Howard sneered and left.

He made his way back to the Nabootique. As he opened the door, he saw Vince standing with his hands on his hips. "Hey Howard! Did you get the sugar?" Vince asked in his usual bubbly voice.

"Oh um… no," Howard said. He forgot all about it.

Vince let out a loud moan and threw his head back and jumped up and down, throwing a minor tantrum. "Howard! You were supposed to get the sugar so I could make sugar cookies!" he whined.

"Oh well I'm sorry, Lester made me forget, you know how he is. Besides, those things aren't good for you."

"I wasn't gonna eat them, I was gonna build something" Vince grinned

"What on earth were you going to build with cookies?" Howard gave him a puzzled look

"Sunshineville! The place where dreams are made! Charlie told me to make it!"

Howard's eyebrows knitted together and his mouth hung. "Can you say that again Vince? I don't think I heard you, think I had something crazy stuck in my ear," he stuck his finger in his ear.

"Sunshineville you geezer!" Vince laughed. "It was going to be a magical place of magical wonders where all you have to do is think of your dreams and it'll happen! Sadly construction will be delayed no thanks to you."

"W-what? Have you gone off the deep end Vince? You were going to make a sculpture out of cookies for your strange imaginary friend?"

"No I was going to make a city, a metropolitan utopia! Charlie had me in charge of this huge task because he knew I had the vision and the spirit to make it! Don't you see how much I need that sugar? It's a small request for such an enormous magnificent thing Howard. "

The sheer nonsense was making Howard aggravated. "I really don't want to hear this rubbish right now Vince, I have to much on my mind right now!"

"Howard! Think about it! It's the place where dreams come true! Think of all the sad people's hearts you'd be breaking if it's not established! Think of those people crying as you sleep because you're so bitter!"

"Lay off me will you? I want to be alone now!" Howard walked past Vince to go upstairs.

"Hear that Howard? It's people weeping right now because Sunshineville isn't being built! Don't you hear it? It sounds like this, 'Oh... If only there were a way for my dreams to happen… why oh why can't they come true? If only there was a way!' Listen do you hear it Howard? Does it make your heart ache? Does it cause you a great deal of pain? Charlie won't like this! He'll be very angry!" Vince followed him.

"Shut up you berk and go buy yourself some sugar!" Howard shouted, going in his room and slamming the door.

"I'm only playing with you Howard, you know Charlie likes you! He really does! Remember that!" Vince called.

Howard ignored him and pulled out one of his jazz records and put it on his record player. "Ok Ellington, send me on a ride," he said smiling. He closed his eyes and let the room be filled with Duke Ellington's soothing music. Soon his body and mind entered a deep meditative state. In this, he became deep in thought and began to wonder about Alice and he asked himself various questions. What did she look like? Was she beautiful? What would she think of him? Would she like him?


	2. Matinee

The next day as Howard made it to Lester's place, he was feeling undeniably anxious. "Oh Lord… what am I going to say to her?" He was starting to get the shakes and he was having a hard time opening the door. It felt like he had the worst case of arthritis where it was like his hands were possessed. When he was able to get a hold of the doorknob, he almost thought he broke it. He shifted his eyes as he walked in; hoping Alice wasn't in the room for she would've seen how stupid he acted.

Howard took a deep breath and slicked his hair back, trying to regain his composure. "Be calm… be calm…" he huffed "Keep control, smile, and whatever you do, don't even think about…" Suddenly he was distracted by faint piano music. He for some reason felt compelled to follow it to see where it was coming from. As he came closer, the song sounded familiar. Howard's eyes widened when he realized it was "Take the 'A' Train" by Duke Ellington. That song was coming from the music room, but Lester was gone.

When he walked in there, he saw a young woman with long blonde hair sitting on the bench of the piano. He felt his heart already beginning to race. "That must be her," he thought to himself. Howard walked quietly as if he was trying to get a closer look at an unseen exotic creature. He was feeling more curious than shy now. She played just as good as it was played on the record he listened to last night, but slower. He could see her slender fingers gracefully dance across the keys. He could feel his cheeks growing warm from blushing. Howard's curiosity got the better of him and made him move to the side to glance at her face. He was surprised to find that her eyes were closed as she was playing. She had an elegant oval shaped face with pale pink lips, a small nose, and long eyelashes.

"Um… hello," Howard mumbled. She didn't seem to hear him; she continued to play, pressing the keys. "Hello?" he repeated. She still didn't hear him. He bit his lower lip and gulped. He wanted to get her attention, but he didn't know how, so he decided to lightly tap her on the arm. She suddenly let out a loud gasp and turned around, gripping at the piano. She looked at him in a startled way with her big cerulean eyes.

"Woah! It's alright! I'm sorry, sorry! I'm a friend of Lester's! Name's Howard!" Howard blurted out. He panicked way more than she did.

"Oh…" she said in a voice as delicate as a harp. She loosened her grip on the piano. "Well my name is Alice Orchid, hello," she put her hand out for him to shake it.

"Oh… um… Howard M-moon…" he awkwardly reached for her hand. Her skin felt incredibly soft. He was trying not to stare at her so much, but he couldn't help it, she was probably the most beautiful girl he ever saw.

"Are you alright? You're shaking like a leaf," Alice said, looking at him with concern.

"No… I'm ok, don't worry," his face was turning red. "I recognized that song you were playing, you played beautifully,"

"Really? Thanks, Duke Ellington is one of my favorites," she smiled sweetly.

"Yeah he's great… why were you playing with your eyes closed?"

"Oh that…" She put her hand to her face, slightly embarrassed. "My uncle taught me that, he said you can feel music, would you like me to show you?"

"Oh I don't know about that,"

"No really, I can show you. It may sound lame, but it works. Come sit here," Alice scooted down the bench for room.

"Oh um… ok…." Howard was feeling very bashful. This was probably the closest he got to a girl without him scaring them.

"First you have to close your eyes," Alice said. Howard just did as she said. For all he knew, she could've been trying to prank him like Lester always does, but he felt trust for her.

"Alright, place your hands on the keys and concentrate on a song, really concentrate. Like feel it inside your soul and release it through your fingers," she said. He already knew how to play the piano, but he only did this in hopes of trying to impress her. He felt very stupid and stressed, he never played with his eyes closed, and it just sounded like mess. She probably thought he was desperate.

"Wait, wait, wait," Alice said and slightly giggled. "Here let me see." She came from behind Howard and put her hands on his. "Here's where the scale's at, plus you're very tense, you have to relax." It would be difficult for him to relax with her touching him and hearing her soft voice and she was so close to him that he could feel her body heat.

Her hands guided his on the piano. Howard soon felt her rest her head on his shoulder. He peeked at her with the corner of his eye. He wondered if she meant to do that or if it just happened. Whether if she meant it or not, he really enjoyed this closeness.

"Now that at its best was moderately ok," Alice said. He opened his eyes and looked over at her and saw that she had a small smile on her face.

Howard looked down at her hands that were still laying on his and back at her resting her head against him. "Ehem," he said, and raised his eyebrows.

"Oh I'm sorry," Alice took her hands off him and backed up, slightly blushing.

"No it's quite alright, don't worry," he said, smiling shyly.

When Howard was back at the Nabootique, he daydreamed about Alice all day. His body may have been there, but his mind was gone. He thought about how beautiful she looked and how remarkable she was to him. What really makes him think was when she suddenly became shy and pretty pink blush appeared on her cheeks.

"Howard?" Vince said while looking straight at his face. "Hello? Howard are you in there?" He had been calling Howard's name for hours, but he never answered. Howard just sat there with his chin resting on his hand with a dopey smile. "Howard!" Vince called louder. "Howard did you get into Naboo's secret stash?" He waved his hand over Howard's face, but it was like he didn't see it.

"Howard…. Howard…. Hey Howard!" Vince shouted. "Jazz sucks you tiny-eyed crawdad!" he ducked down, thinking Howard would hit him, but he still just sat there doing nothing and being completely quiet.

"Naboo, can you come over here? Something wrong with Howard, I think he's possessed!" Vince called out.

"Always when I'm busy with something…." Naboo muttered. The little shaman shuffled out into the shop with droopy eyes. "Yeah what is it?"

"Look at him, there's something wrong with him, he's acting weird," Vince said.

"It took you how long to notice that?" Naboo shook his head.

"No seriously, it's like Howard's in another dimension, he's… gone"

Naboo looked at Howard closely. He snapped his fingers in his face a couple of times. Howard still faced forward motionless. "Hm…" Naboo tapped his lips. He gestured like he was preparing to do something extravagantly magical. Vince's eyes widened and he watched closely. Naboo drew his arm back dramatically and struck Howard in the forehead with his palm.

Howard let out a cry. "Hey! That hurt you berk!"

Vince was disappointed and crossed his arms. "Well you're back now, had a nice trip?"

"Huh? What do you mean?" he was upset that he got interrupted from his day dream.

"You were staring off into space like a total idiot, what's wrong?" Vince asked.

"Um… nothing actually," Howard said.

"I can't believe I got called out here for nothing," Naboo rolled his eyes.


	3. Blue Moon

Howard took advantage of Lester's absence and went to see Alice on a daily basis. Every time he'd come, she'd greet him with a smile and would just talk for hours about anything that came to mind. Howard was still nervous because he was never this open with a woman, not even his own mother maybe. Alice would give him light pats or nudges as a way to tell him to loosen up. Over time he did, but he still kept his guard up, afraid he'd mess up and over do it, possibly like lunging at her because of the desire he could feel building up in him. He couldn't stand it, each day she seemed more beautiful than he remembered. He tried his hardest to keep cool, but he didn't know how much he could handle.

He lay in bed, restless, staring up at the ceiling. He breathed in and exhaled loudly. "Last night I dreamt the strangest dream," he recited. "And everywhere I saw, what did not seem could ever be, you were not there with me. Awake, I turned and touched you asleep, face to the wall. I said how dreams can lie, but you were not there at all."

Vince sat up in bed and looked at Howard like he had snakes coming out of his ears. "What the hell is wrong with you Howard?"

"Nothing… nothing… just go back to sleep," Howard said.

Vince fell back in the bed and turned to the side, attempting to go back to sleep.

Howard couldn't help it, he saw Alice's face in his mind and it just came to him again. "And now I see with eye serene, the very pulse of the machine. A being breathing thoughtful breath, a traveler between life and death." He voice became louder as he got more into the poem. "The reason firm, the temperate will, endurance, foresight, strength and skill!"

Vince sprung up. "Howard! Shut the fuck up!" he shouted.

"Why don't you shut it before I come at you?" Howard exclaimed.

"You're the one who keeps talking! I… oh you're gonna wake up looking like Mike Score from Flock of Seagulls in the morning!" Vince threatened.

Howard raised his arm as if he meant to go after Vince, but let it go, knowing Vince was only bluffing about cutting his hair. He sighed and finished softly, "A perfect woman planned, to warn, to comfort and command."

Meanwhile, Alice lay on her stomach, awake similar to the same state as him. She sighed and looked across the room. "I wined and dined a thousand exotic Joans and Janes," she said softly. "In dusty dance halls, at debutante balls, on lonely country lanes. I fell in love forever, twice every year or so. I wooed them sweetly, was theirs completely, but they always let me go. Saying bye now, no need to try now, you don't have the proper charms. Too sentimental and much too gentle, I don't tremble in your arms." She tilted her head, really noticing how the poem related to her. "Then you rose into my life like a promised sunrise. Brightening my days with the light in your eyes. I've never been so strong. Now I'm where I belong."

Howard only slept for two hours that night. He touched his hair to check if Vince messed with it. He slightly chuckled. He knew he didn't mean it. He sighed and dropped his head against the pillow, hardly believing he was up all night thinking of Alice. She was perfect to him, they had so much in common and she was gorgeous. As much as he wanted her to feel something in return, he'd be glad if she could at least be a friend to him. Finally he found someone worth socializing with, but why did it have to be a lady? He had wanted the company of one, but he felt like it'd be too good to be true. It could be possible that she's only being friendly with him. Howard had all these doubts and maybes and what things could be going through his mind till finally he decided he'd go find out himself.

He got out of bed, threw on something to wear, and left the room. As he walked down the stairs, he kept telling himself not to be afraid and just seek her out. He walked right past Vince, not really hearing him calling for him and headed out the door of the shop. It was like he was fighting with himself as he was trying to make his way to Lester's place to see her. He would turn around and try to go back or go someplace else, and he'd get angry at himself and force himself to move forward. He wasn't feeling very confident at all. He really felt like this was a bad idea and he should go back to the Nabootique, but then go back to what? Go back to the miserable dull he lived that was a recurring nightmare? He wanted something more but he knew only one way he could be happy and he couldn't get to it if he kept stopping himself.

At the same time, Alice came to a realization after a long night, she had feelings for Howard. Well when she first saw him, she of course found him attractive. Who couldn't? He had a smooth complexion like a young boy, his eyes were dramatic and unique, and he was tall and powerfully built. He reminded her of silver screen actors she admired like Clark Gable and Nils Asthner. When he'd come over, she found other things to him such as he was pleasant, classy, and clever. She could clearly tell that he has an irrepressible attraction to her since he would act visibly awkward and shy away from her, but she found it amusing and sweet. She smiled to herself, thinking maybe she should go see him instead. He talked quite a bit about a place he worked at called the Nabootique, maybe she could pay him a visit. She nodded her head, thinking it sounded like a good idea and left.

Unfortunately for Howard, it wasn't that easy for him. Even though he made up his mind, he still felt like it was a stupid idea and that he was doing nothing but wasting his time over something that probably won't happen. He leaned against a wall of a building and covered his face and dragged his hands down as he looked up at the sky, feeling utterly hopeless. Out of nowhere, he heard a gentle voice that caused him shock.

"Howard, I didn't expect to see you," said the voice that had been in his mind and dreams.

He felt like he was going insane, thinking his mind was playing tricks on him, but when he looked over, Alice was there in the flesh. He felt terribly embarrassed, for she was seeing him at his worst. Right now he couldn't stand her, but she was the reason he came all this way.

"I was just taking a stroll, I didn't expect to see you either," he said, faking a smile so she wouldn't be able to tell how distressed he was.

"Really? How funny," she giggled. "How are you anyway?"

Howard couldn't take it anymore, he felt tormented. He finally decided that he'd just go back, as a failure. It'd be better than her seeing him like this. "Listen… I'm sorry, I have to get back so I'll see you later maybe, I have to go," he said as he regretfully turned his back on her and began to walk away.

"Howard wait, don't go," Alice caught up to him and grabbed his arm. That immediately stopped him in his tracks and he looked over and saw her looking straight at him with those eyes he came to adore. "When could I see you again?" she asked.

He was overwhelmed. His heart started to race and his mind went blank. He couldn't think of anything at all to say, but he felt it building up. Without thinking at all he impulsively blurted out, "Tonight!"

"Alright that sounds good," she said, smiling sweetly. "Where do you want to meet?"

"There's a nice jazz club not far from here, I guess we could meet up there," he said, not feeling as terrible now.

"Ok see you then Howard," she said

"Yeah… me too," Howard smiled


	4. Full Bloom

Vince was banging on the bathroom door. "Howard! I need to get in there, these fly aways are bugging me and I need my straightener! Open up!"

"Go away Vince," Howard said softly behind the door.

"C'mon let me in!" Vince shouted. "My hair must look dreadful and I need to fix it!"

"I don't care Vince, just wait for me to come out damn it!" Howard's voice got louder.

"But you've been in there forever! Just let me in, I don't care what you're doing!"

"Vince! Just leave me alone right now! I'm busy!"

Wordlessly, Vince swung the door open and saw Howard wearing a suit and he was smoothing gel over his hair in front of the mirror.

Vince raised his eyebrows and tilted his head. "What are you doing?"

"I'm um… I was umm…. "Howard stammered, not knowing what to say.

"What the hell is going on with you? You're zoning out all the time, you're always away, you said some really weird poetry, and then you completely ignored me as you left this afternoon and… oh my god… why didn't I notice this?"

"Notice what?" Howard said, gingerly patting the gel on his hair.

"You're in love with me aren't you?" Vince laughed. "Well I must say it'd never work out. I'm very high maintenance, I demand attention, and I'm very cheery and bright. Now you, you're drab and gloomy, obsessed with work and organizing things, and you seem to be a control freak and it just couldn't happen. Not only that, you're old and you dress weird and your face looks too huge and…"

"Ok, I get it," Howard said, trying to ignore Vince.

"Your eyes are so beady and…"

"Ok Vince!" Howard was getting annoyed.

"That mustache really bugs me too, it's so shaggy and it makes me itch looking at it…"

"Alright Vince!" Howard interrupted.

"Let's talk about that physique of yours, formless and bulky! I mean just look, I…"

"Vince shut the hell up!" Howard yelled and glared. What Vince was saying not only annoyed him, but also made him feel insecure about seeing Alice tonight. "You can use your dumb straightner, I'm leaving!"

"Wait a minute, where are you going?" Vince called.

"Out!" Howard yelled as he left the shop.

Alice was waiting around at the jazz club for Howard to show up. She was wearing a little black sleeveless dress and her hair was pinned back. She kept searching the club to see if he came in, but he wouldn't be there. She started to get a little worried, thinking maybe he changed his mind and decided not to come. She didn't think it'd happen, but that didn't mean it was impossible. Just as she slightly felt it was true, she saw him walking in. She lightly gasped, he was breathtaking. He walked in with the same poise and appeal as Gary Cooper. She noticed he was walking with more confidence. Howard smiled at her and came over to her.

"Hey you," he said in a warm voice.

"Howard, so glad you made it!" Alice giggled like a school girl. He looked so dreamy to her, she couldn't help but blush.

"Oh I'm sorry, hope I didn't keep you waiting," Howard said.

"No, no it's alright, I'm just glad that you made it as I said, and well you look… you look…."

Howard smiled and raised an eyebrow, nodding his head hoping she'd go on.

"Well let's get a table instead of standing around, shall we?" she giggled.

It didn't take long for them to get deep in conversation after they were seated. Alice laughed light-heartedly. "You're joking! Seriously, your old boss made you box a kangaroo? Was he nuts?"

"Like you wouldn't believe, he threatened to blackmail me if I didn't," Howard said.

"That's insane, he endangered your life just to make money, and you could've been killed!"

"No I was ok…. I was only slightly hurt; do want to know why else I did it?"

"How come?"

"Well… I was hoping it'd impress this woman I fancied at the time," he squirmed in his chair, thinking he shouldn't be talking about Gideon with Alice around.

"Aw Howard!" she giggled. "Did it work?"

"Nope, it was the exact same thing the next day with her not knowing I exist, even after what I did…" his voice trailed off as he reminded himself of the excruciating pain he felt then.

"Oh I'm so sorry about that, clearly she doesn't know what she's missing," Alice placed her hand over his in a comforting way.

He blushed and looked at her. "So um… you never came to the Zooniverse?"

"Oh no way, I heard rumors of scary things happening like bizarre experiments, a man getting eaten by ocelots, and that the owners had a strange relationship that involved beating up midgets,"

Howard chuckled. "Yeah things were crazy; there weren't even that many animals."

"Gosh, the person who owned that place must've been incredibly mentally disturbed"

"Like you wouldn't believe, he wanted to invent these stupid things called pocket cups and he would yell at me sometimes for no reason. I would just obediently do as he told, what else could I do? It was my job and as much as I hated it, I had to do it or I would've been sacked. I abided the rules because that's what I'm about, I see a boundary, I eat a… uhhh…." He looked at her sheepishly, hoping he wasn't boring her to death with his rambling.

"Go on, I'm listening," Alice said with a smile.

Howard awkwardly smiled at her. "Never mind."

"You sure?" She continued to smile at him.

"Yes of course…" Howard didn't want to go any further, for fear of saying something really foolish. He opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out, so he forced himself. "Do you…." he began. "Would you care to dance?" he felt so pathetic.

"I was wondering when you'd ask me," Alice grinned.

"Um… alright then…" he gracelessly got up out of the chair and timidly reached over to take her hand. She stood up and took his hand with glee. Knots formed in Howard's stomach as he walked with Alice to the dance floor. He felt queasy and was afraid he'd do that dreadful thing where he freezes up, but he was trying his best not to mess up. He fumbled to put his hand behind her waist, attempting to waltz.

She smirked and put her arm across his shoulders. "There's no need to worry, you're doing just fine."

"You really think so?" he asked, feeling very uneasy.

"Yeah there's not much to it, it's basically what you're doing and…" she gasped, tripping all of a sudden. Howard instantly caught her before she fell. "Oh! I'm so sorry!" she giggled, holding onto him.

He stood motionless as he gazed at Alice in his arms. She was silent as she looked back at him. As he looked into her eyes, there seemed to be desire in them. Nervous as he was, he couldn't hold it in anymore. He carefully brought his face close to hers and kissed her. She wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him back. Howard could hardly believe this was happening, it was surreal. It couldn't be real but he felt it and it was perfect. The one thing that seemed impossible for the longest time finally happened. He held her waist tight as he got more into kiss. He was afraid if he let go of her it would all disappear like as if he was to wake up from a dream, but when he did she was still there standing. He touched her face to check if she was real. He could feel her soft cheeks becoming warm from blush and the way her eyes drooped as she looked at him made it hard for him to breathe. He was too choked up for words.

"Alice… would you mind joining me for a cup of tea?" he asked, hoping it didn't sound like he was begging for her to come with him, even if it might've been slightly true.

"Ok…" she said weakly. "I don't want this night to end…"


	5. Floral Eclipse

The moon turned around and showed his glorious alabaster face. "They say when you fall in love… you have become what is called uh… moonstruck, yeah moonstruck is what it is. Two lovers… a young boy and a young girl join hand in hand under the stars and look up at uh… me! And then… and then they begin to dance around and around in circles, and then get the funny feeling like thousands of butterflies in the stomach and then the boy spews all over the place… uh possibly 'cause he got a little bit dizzy and the girl is uh… grossed out 'cause he got it all over her new dress and shoes, but then the boy says he's really sorry and it'll never happen again… and then the girl says it's fine 'cause she thinks he's pretty cute and then he says she looks really beautiful under the moonlight with her dress fluttering about in the wind… yeah and so they dance again under me, the moon… with the chunks all over them…but they didn't care because they like each other!" The moon laughed dryly. "Ahhh… fools in love so they say." He smiled and turned around again.

Howard bashfully walked in the shop with Alice. "Right… so um… this is my place," he stammered.

"You live in a shop?" she giggled, holding on his arm.

"Well um… no I live upstairs… it's like a flat that has my job in it too. Know what I'm saying? I don't really live in the shop… well I always thought it'd be convenient to live and work in the same place… and so that's what I do… I live at my work place that has a flat in it… um you know what? Let's just go upstairs and I'll make the tea!"

She giggled again. "You're too cute!"

"Oh… "Howard said, turning away, blushing. "The stairs are over here Alice." He led her up the stairs and into the kitchen. He glanced at her as he prepared the tea. She moved around sort of as if she was dancing and sat in a chair at the dining table. He smiled to himself, feeling incredibly fortunate that she was here with him.

"Would you like some cream in your tea?" he asked

"Oh sure, thanks," Alice said.

"Y'know there's a funny thing about cream and tea," Howard began as he carried the tea to her. "It's actually like liquid leather."

"Oh really?" Alice smiled as she rested her chin on her hand.

"Yeah… tea has tannin in it, which is used in tanning leather, and milk has a type of protein in it, so when they're mixed… you're basically drinking a boot or a glove, but it's perfectly fine! I don't see any harm in drinking tea with cream in it, there's many types of food that has tannin in it…. So you'll be alright it's harmless, it's not like you're drinking formaldehyde, which is also used for making leather but is also poisonous… but not to worry, it's not in the tea unless if I was to put it in there, but I wouldn't… no… not all unless if I was a killer… which I'm not… I swear the killer instinct is absent in me… for real…." He smiled sheepishly at her, hoping she didn't think he sounded borderline crazy or something like that.

Alice laughed quietly and shook her head. "Howard, it's alright you don't have to try so hard, I don't feel like leaving anytime soon."

"Really? You sure?" Howard asked eagerly as he held his tea cup.

"Certainly! Why would I?" She grinned as she sipped her tea. "You're so wound up like Harold Lloyd in _Girl Shy_, let loose." She giggled.

Howard tilted his head and smiled. "Did you say Harold Lloyd?"

"Yes I did. So that means you know about him?"

"Oh do I ever? He was an icon in the jazz age, really famous too!"

"Don't forget about the silent film era."

"What a time that was, I believe films had more artistic values in them when they were like that though the film _The Jazz Singer_ changed movies forever, it was innovative."

"I know can you believe that? That was the first movie with sound in it. That could be one of the greatest historical moments all thanks to the jazz age."

"Say, I have quite a collection of jazz records, would you like to see?"

"Sure I'd love to."

"Alright, they're in my room." He couldn't help but be modest even though she seemed so content with being there. He never had a female be this close and open with him.

"Well, this is it," Howard said as he opened the door for Alice. "There's not much to it, but if I could I'd hire a decorator, but I can't alter it since I'm renting. What do you think of it?"

"I think it's just fine Howard," she looked over at him.

"Here are the records then, feel free to take a look through," he gestured at a shelf.

She approached it like how a child would with a toy shop. "This is fantastic!" she chimed as she looked through his records. "You have vintage ragtime, some blues, free jazz, and even some fusion!"

"You know about jazz fusion?" Howard asked, hoping he didn't sound too enthusiastic.

"Of course I do, who doesn't? Many bands practiced it in the 70s though I might be confusing it with jazz rock," Alice shrugged.

"It's alright, call it what you want. Jazz rock, jazz funk, doesn't matter its all fusion." He said, smiling. "Alice, could I say something?"

"Sure, go right ahead," she turned to him.

"I don't know how else to say this, so I'll just come out with it now," he rested his hands on her shoulders. "I really appreciate you being here."

"That's sweet of you to say, I enjoy your company too." She touched his hands.

"Do you really mean that?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "Why do you ask?"

"Well you see Alice… I haven't really been with anyone. I don't mean to be so shady, it's just I've never done so well in the romantic department. I… I… just don't know what to do with myself." He sat on his bed and looked down, sulking.

"I don't understand," Alice said as she sat by him.

"What's not to understand?" he sighed.

"How someone so attractive could have so much trouble with that," she touched his face.

He was speechless when she said that. She found him attractive? That had been a thing he wondered about himself all his life.

She held the sides of his face. "It's strange how someone appearing so strong can be so delicate."

Howard smiled gently. "I find it even stranger how someone appearing so delicate can be so strong."

Alice smiled back and pecked him on the lips, but then kissed him again and again until she decided to lock lips with him. Howard wrapped his arms around her waist, blushing as he felt her lean into him, slowly pushing him back on the bed. She touched his chest and pressed her lips harder against his. He never blushed so hard. As unsure as he was about it, he didn't want her to stop. He wanted more and he could feel it in him.

She kissed his neck deeply. He sighed and slid his hands up her back. She continued to kiss his neck and moved lower, unbuttoning his shirt. Howard was getting nervous. He didn't really know what to do so he just let her do whatever she was doing. His heartbeat quickened when she trailed kisses down his chest.

"Alice… I really don't know what to do…" he suddenly let out, slightly panicking.

Alice placed her hand by his face in a caring way. "Is this your first time?" she asked in a gentle voice. He nodded his head weakly and blushed. "It's alright, you're going to be just fine," she caressed his face and kissed his cheek. Relief swept over Howard as he became calm. He felt so much trust for her now.

Alice removed the rest of his garments and discarded her own. Howard's face was flushed red as he looked at her. "Um… what do we do now?" he muttered.

"Don't worry, you'll get it," Alice said. She slowly took him inside of her and gasped. Howard shuddered as he felt her. He never experienced anything like this in his life. Alice began to push herself down on him, letting out light moans. Howard groaned and placed his hands on her hips, moving slightly in her.

"Oh Alice…" he moaned.

Alice cried out and bent down, holding his shoulders. She panted and moaned delicately as she moved quicker against him. Howard gripped her hips tighter and threw his head back, feeling pure ecstasy. She moved against him until she couldn't take it anymore. Alice collapsed onto him, wrapping her arms around his neck. Howard looked up at the ceiling in awe, hardly believing he had his first time.


	6. Morning Glory

The next morning was sheer bliss. Howard felt like a totally different person. After last night, it seemed his whole world changed. It was like he was stuck in an obscure fog for some time, feeling hopelessly lost and alone, sometimes feeling scared, but finally it cleared up. He felt more confident, stronger, positive, and surer of himself. Alice rubbed against his chest like a kitten. He stroked her hair and kissed her forehead. "Good morning," he said tenderly.

"Hello, how are you doing?" she smiled as he put her arm around him.

"Oh I'm doing great, how 'bout you?" Howard smiled and held her waist.

"Pretty good myself, what'd you think of last night?" Alice asked.

"It was incredible, that was the night of my life. Nothing in my dreams could've produced anything better. All the things I thought that never could happen took place. I'll never forget it for as long as I live. "

"I was talking about the jazz club."

"Oh…" Howard blushed and clenched his teeth.

"Howard I'm only kidding!" Alice giggled and squeezed him.

"You little fiend!" He pinned her down but then smirked. "I can't get mad at you."

She blushed as she gazed at him leaning over her. "Why not? I could be a real nuisance!"

"I could care less if you were to annoy me, you're beautiful," he said, stroking the side of her face. He glided his hand across her cheek and into her hair, bringing his face close to hers to kiss her. Alice wrapped her arms around him and held his shoulders. Howard became aroused as her inner thighs touched his hips and each time she rubbed against him and caressed him, it excited him more. He moved his hands down to her hips, feeling the curves and contours of her body as he did so. Alice shivered and let out a soft sound under the kiss.

"Um… Alice do you want to… y'know…" Howard asked, anticipating her response.

She chuckled softly. "You don't have to ask me."

"Oh alright then…" he chuckled.

Meanwhile, Vince came to Howard's door and knocked on it. "Howard! Breakfast time! C'mon out!" he called. For some reason, he didn't answer the door. Usually Howard comes out all grouchy and yells at him for waking him up. What could he be doing? Vince knocked harder on the door. "Howard c'mon! We're waiting for you!"

"What the hell's he doing?" Naboo shouted from the kitchen.

"I have no idea, he won't answer me!" Vince continued to bang on the door.

"Well tell him to get his lazy ass outta bed! His food's gonna get cold!" Naboo shouted

"This is gone too far! He's really been pissing me off, hiding from me, saying disturbing poetry in the middle of the night, and I could've sworn he was gonna propose to me last night! I can't take this shit anymore, he's freaking me out!" Vince aggressively forced the door open. "Listen you! I…HOLY SHIT! CHRIST ON A CROSS!" he shrieked at the top of his lungs, immediately slamming the door shut. Vince was petrified. His eyes were nearly bulging out and his jaw hung slack. He couldn't believe what he saw in there.

He walked back to the dining room under complete shock and sat down with a terrified look on his face. "Hey did you wake Howard up?" Naboo asked, unaware of the state Vince was in.

"No…" Vince murmured pathetically. He was hoping that horrendous image that he saw would somehow become erased.

"Well here's yours then," Naboo placed a plate in front of Vince.

"I… don't have much of an appetite Naboo… sorry…" Vince pushed the plate aside.

"What? Vince, I really didn't have to do this, but I was feeling generous today so I suggest you at least pretend you have an appetite for me," Naboo griped.

"Alright then…" Vince poked at the food with a fork. His stomach felt sickly.

"Howard better hurry up, I don't want all this food to go to waste!" Naboo grumbled.

Howard finally came out of his room with Alice wearing one of his pajama shirts. It fit loosely and came down her thighs. "Are you sure this looks ok? I'm not showing anything am I?" she asked self-consciously.

"No you're just fine, in fact it looks better on you," Howard said, smiling as he eyed her. Alice giggled and kissed him.

"Let's go to the dining room yeah? I think I heard my mate Vince calling earlier," Howard said.

Howard walked with her, feeling bright and cheerful. "Good morning everyone!" Howard said with glee.

Naboo smacked a spatula against the stove in annoyance. "Ah c'mon, I only made so much here, who's this?" Naboo asked.

"Oh I'm sorry, this here is Alice," Howard pulled out a chair for her.

"Hello there," she smiled and waved

"Alice, that's Naboo, Vince, and the gorilla is Bollo," Howard gestured at them.

"Bollo thought he heard a squirrel dying last night," Bollo muttered. Vince groaned and crinkled his nose when Bollo said that.

"So how'd you two meet?" Naboo asked.

"Oh we met maybe a couple of weeks ago, we'd talk and go out sometimes, oh and she's Lester's niece," Howard said.

Vince suddenly started choking uncontrollably on his food. Howard stared at him wide-eyed. Vince's face started to turn purple as he gripped at his chest, choking louder and louder. "Vince you should chew your food! We got a guest here!" Naboo said.

Vince pulled on the tablecloth and fell on the floor still choking. "Good Lord! Someone help him!" Alice screeched.

"He's being over dramatic, Bollo go help him please," Naboo rolled his eyes.

"Ok then," Bollo said. The big ape picked up Vince and started squeezing his stomach until whatever was lodged in his throat popped out. Vince gasped and wheezed, climbing back into his chair. "Vince alright?" Bollo patted him on the back.

Vince was quivering as he pointed at Alice with his mouth gaping open, struggling to let his words out, but just making strange inaudible grunts. "Alright that's enough, out with it Vince! You're embarrassing me!" Howard glared.

"Howard… is nailing Cornflake's niece! I… I caught them in the middle of the act! I never saw anything like it in my life! It was like watching a bear go at it with a rabbit and it even sounded the same too! He was pounding her, pounding her rotten! It was horrible I tell you! Horrible! All my senses have been violated! I'm surprised I'm not dead right now!" Vince wailed and held onto Bollo.

"Oh… that's charming…" Naboo gritted his teeth.

"Vince!" Howard was appalled. His face was red as a tomato. Alice was mortified, feeling like all eyes were on her.

"I was… I was wondering why he didn't answer me… I thought maybe he was in one of his weird jazzy trances… and…and… I didn't know what to do except come in…" Vince wimped as Bollo cradled him.

"Vince I need to have a word with you in the other room!" Howard scowled.

"I… have never felt more disgusted… ever… I saw the beast with two backs…" Vince held Bollo close.

"It's gonna be ok Precious Vince," Bollo stroked his back.

"Right now sir!" Howard barked.

"Alright, alright, I'm coming," Vince chuckled as he followed Howard, amused by how defensive he was getting.

"So you're Lester Corncrake's niece?" Naboo said.

"Yes I am," Alice said modestly.

"There's some things I might have to tell you about your uncle…" Naboo began.

"Like what? Please tell me."

"Well… there was this party you see… and there was a horrible accident…"

Vince chuckled as Howard skulked with his arms crossed. "Alright I'm really sorry about that, but that really freaked me out. Why didn't you tell me you were seeing someone?"

Howard glared at him out of the corner of his eye. "Because I knew somehow you'd ruin it. I don't know how you do it, but every time something good happens to me, you mess it up!"

"Howard I'm glad that you're seeing someone, but c'mon, Lester's niece?" Vince raised his eyebrows.

"So what, I don't care! She's exceptional!"

"Yeah exceptionally weird if Cornflake is her uncle…"

"It's Corncrake and there's nothing wrong with her Vince!"

" You don't know that. Anyone related to that lunatic defiantly has something wrong about them. You must be pretty desperate to get with his kin! Does she ever scat?" Vince laughed.

"Yes she does and she sounds like Aileen Stanley and stop talking about my Alice like that! She's not weird, she's adorable and very interesting and you know it!"

"Yeah she's cute but I can't help but sense something wrong about her."

"You're a real prick, you know that? I wouldn't care if she was related to Fatty Arbuckle, she's perfect and she likes me!"

"You're really sad y'know."

"Ohhhhhh…. You know what, I don't care what you think of her at all, what I only care about right now is that I have something wonderful," Howard said confidently.

"You basically have Lester with tits, not that he doesn't already have 'em!" Vince snickered.

"That's enough already!" Howard yelled. His nostrils flared and his eyes burned into Vince's.

"Alright, alright, easy," Vince laughed and tapped Howard on the shoulder.

"Don't touch me! What makes you think I'd want to be touched right now?" Howard pushed him away.

"Howard I'm only having you on!" Vince poked at him in a teasing way.

Howard batted his hands away. "Listen here sir, you better leave Alice alone. If you ever make any snide remarks to her, even something as small as what color she paints her nails, I'll be on you like flies on Fossil!"

"Don't worry, I'm not gonna make fun of your girl," Vince smirked mischievously.

In the living room, Naboo was still talking to Alice.

"…So anyway, I'm real sorry about what happened to Lester. Dennis was trying to um…. save his marriage in a way, but there's times he can get carried away, he's a real hot-head, and well Tony… eh that's pretty much expected… he has a thing for heads. I don't really know why we invite him to parties. Well it's just the same reason people have clowns at parties, for amusement…" Naboo stated.

Alice stared at Naboo in horror. "And… all of this is true?" she uttered.

"I saw the whole thing, well thankfully not what Tony was doing, but hey we tried our best to fix him. He seems to be doing alright don't you think?" the tiny shaman shrugged.

"Ummm… I wouldn't know… he uhhh…" she grimaced, feeling uneasy. Alice turned her head around, scanning the inside of the flat until she saw Howard. She immediately bolted to him. "Howard… we gotta go… can we just go somewhere?"

Howard could tell right away something was troubling her. Her eyes were widened and she was trembling. "What's wrong Alice?" he asked. He couldn't help but worry for her.

"I… uhhh…" Alice's eyes darted to Naboo then went back to Howard. "Doesn't matter… can we go?"

"Alright, alright," he said nodding.

Bollo waddled next to Alice. "Lady not feeling good? Bollo can fix that," he said.

"Oh my God it talks!" she gasped and grabbed onto Howard like a frightened cat.

"Of course he does, he's my familiar," Naboo said, raising an eyebrow.

"It's ok, he won't hurt you, you poor thing!" Howard chuckled and held her, hoping she'd calm down, but she was still distraught. He looked at her with concern, wondering what could be bothering her. "Please tell me what's wrong," he pleaded.

"I'll tell you when we leave…" Alice sighed.

"Alright then I guess we should get dressed then," he said.

"The shop opens in an hour Moon," Naboo grumbled.

"We won't be long, don't worry," Howard said.

Alice walked glumly even though Howard's arm was around her shoulder. She sighed and looked down at the sidewalk. "Do you think you can tell me now what's bothering you?" Howard asked with care.

"I suppose," she said.

"Well what is it then? It's… not me is it?" Howard asked hesitantly.

"No not at all, it's just… I don't think they like me…" Alice said softly.

"What my mates Vince and Naboo? I'm sure they do, why wouldn't they?"

"Vince acted like I was a sideshow freak and then the small one told me a horribly morbid story about my uncle getting decapitated and raped which I don't believe a hundred percent, but it could explain why he doesn't like neck massages… did I do something wrong? I don't understand…"

"Hey it's alright," Howard pulled her close to him. She embraced him tightly and rested her head against his shoulder. He smiled to himself, adoring how getting close seemed to come natural now, almost as if things were mutual between the two of them. "I'm sure they do like you, no doubt about it. They're just being funny right now."

Alice glanced up at him. "At least you do." She said.

Howard blushed lightly and smiled. "Then there's no need to worry."


	7. Chapter 7

Vince was sitting in the Nabootique bored out of his mind. Howard told him he'd only be gone for a few minutes but several hours went by. Vince couldn't tell which was worse, Howard leaving him like this to see that infuriating blonde or having her here giggling constantly like a guinea pig and jabbering on about poetry and singers he doesn't know. At first the whole thing was sort of adorable, but now it became a real nuisance each day. All Howard would want to talk about was Alice all the time, everything from her favorite animal to the brand of shampoo she'd use. Anytime Vince would try to make a conversation, Howard would reply with something like "Oh Alice loves that," or "That reminds me of a funny story Alice told me the other day." Vince found it alarming that he was actually beginning to miss getting lectured by him. The hard-headed big oaf he knew all his life seemed to have been altered. Now he was acting ridiculous. Howard would walk around with a goofy grin on his face and he was all giddy. He could've sworn he heard him humming too. He was anything but serious or structured lately. It was as if his whole world revolved around Alice.

Vince began flicking paper clips with rubber bands from Stationary Village as a pass time. It was amusing for a while until there weren't any more paper clips. He tapped his fingers on the desk, trying to think of how else to make time go by faster. "I know! I'll ring up Leroy!" Vince declared. Vince picked up the phone and dialed Leroy's number. "Hey Leroy it's me Vince!" he said in a cheerful voice. Suddenly he frowned. "What do you mean you can't come over? Your dog died? Well get a new one!" he hung phone up and crossed his arms. "That dog was just fine the other day!" he grumbled.

Vince remembered that he was sort of seeing someone lately. So picked the phone up again and dialed the girl's number. "Hey Melanie, remember me? It's Vince," he said with a grin. Automatically, he heard the other line being hung up. He raised his eyebrows, bewildered, but then remembered he was seeing her friend too.

Moments later, Vince was lying sprawled out on the desk humming the tune of "Paint it Black" solemnly. "Painted… painted… painted black…" he sang hoarsely. Vince whined and kicked the desk, making a loud thud with his boots. "Bored! I'm so bored!" he cried out.

"Oi! Keep it down will you?" Naboo shouted from upstairs.

"Naboo! Can you please come down here? I'm so bored!" Vince wailed

"What the hell do I care?"

"C'mon please! Howard's gone and left and I'm just laying here bored! Bored! Bored!"

"Shut up! I'm busy smo… I mean I'm making smoothies!"

"Ooh can I have one?"

"No! As I said before, I'm extremely busy!"

"Well could you at least have Bollo come down?"

"Bollo can't come down either… he's errr…." Naboo looked over at the big ape laying flat on the floor. "Bollo I told you to wait for it to take effect… Kirk said this stuff was really potent…" he muttered.

"Naboo… Naboo… I'm a butterfly… butterfly… "Bollo slurred while flapping his arms on the floor.

"Oh God Bollo…" Naboo chuckled slightly while holding the hookah. "The monkey's kinda got his hands full at the moment!" he shouted.

"Naboo… Naboo… tell me… am I beautiful? I've never been a butterfly before…" Bollo continued to flap his arms.

"You sure are… a great monarch…" the tiny shaman snickered and took another hit.

"Oh good… good… Bollo is king butterfly!" his mouth hung open in awe.

Vince banged his head against the desk and groaned. "Howard better hurry up or I'll die of boredom!" Almost as if on command, Howard showed up in the doorway, but he had Alice following along. Vince's stomach churned when heard her obnoxious giggling. "Well it's about time you got back! I was here by myself for hours Howard! What took ya? You told me you'd only be a minute!" his voice squeaked at the end from getting exasperated.

"It's like he's my mum or something," Howard muttered to Alice. She giggled and patted his shoulder.

"Oh I'm the mum here?" Vince retorted. "You're the one who nags at me for everything and you order me around all the time! Not only that, you mentally abuse me with your crummy jazz music and you embarrass me in front of my friends and… Howard! Are you even listening to me?"

Alice was giggling loudly as Howard held her close while kissing all over her. "Huh? Something about listening to jazz music and abusing it?" he replied, completely unaware of what Vince said.

"How could you do that? That's relentless!" She pouted and held his hands.

"I know, the nerve of some people!" he chuckled and kissed her.

"Howard aren't you going to listen to me?" Vince cried.

"Aw Moonie c'mon, your friend's trying to talk to you," Alice playfully bumped Howard.

"Yes Moonie, I'm trying to talk here," Vince mocked her.

"What'd you do today?" Howard asked Vince absent-mindedly as he stroked Alice's face. She looked up and smiled at him.

"Nothing, nothing at all but sitting here watching the hours fly by while you're having fun with Blondie there!" Vince grunted and pinched the bridge of his nose. Howard still wasn't paying attention to him.

"I don't see any harm in that, do you my dear?" Howard held the sides of her face and gently pressed his forehead against hers.

Alice giggled and touched his hands. "Nope, not at all."

"Well actually there is, something bad always happens when you're gone," Vince crossed his arms. He felt like he was a ghost.

"Did anything happen?" Howard asked.

"Well… no, but what if something had happened?" Vince puffed.

"You would've been fine. You got Naboo and Ballo here to help you."

"Not really, they're 'busy'."

"Vince what's your problem? You're starting to sound tense."

"Damnit Howard! Where are you? Isn't it obvious?"

"Not exactly, what is it?"

"Ahhh! It's right there! Clinging to you like a baby koala and giggling nonstop! It's driving me insane!"

"Vince! That was very rude!"

"It's true! You might as well put her on your back and feed her monkey nuts!"

"Vince! What do you have against her?"

"It's not her personally, it's her relation to a blind freakazoid that wears corsets!"

Alice's mouth twisted into a sour face and she glared. "Dry up you upstage wet blanket! I love my uncle-avous to death-ski! What makes you the elephant's eyebrows? You're all wet and you're full of phonus balonus! You got me worked in a lather 'cause of your futzing bushwa!"

"Uhhh…" Vince felt like his brain shut off.

"Oh Alice… you beautiful creature! That was remarkable!" Howard looked at her like she recited the most beautiful sonnet.

"What in blue fuck was that?" Vince cried, hopelessly confused.

"Ohhh…that was jazz slang! Beautiful, beautiful jazz slang straight from the Roaring 20s! Where'd you learn that my darling?" Howard turned her chin up.

She blushed meekly. "My grandmother was a flapper."

"Ohhhhhhh!" Vince cried out in revolt. "No wonder I'm starting to get feverish!" he checked his forehead to see if he was getting warm.

"Go on, say something else please!" Howard squeezed her waist and nuzzled her cheek.

Alice giggled. "Easy there baby grand, don't turn the joint into a petting party!"

"Ugh! Y'know what? Whatever I'm leaving before my face puffs up like Jiffy Pop! I'm gonna see Leroy about this dog!" Vince dashed off to the door.

"Oh you gotta see a man about a dog, bird? Just hope you don't come back too zozzilfied!" Alice called out.

Howard chuckled with delight and hugged her.


	8. Chapter 8

Vince was standing in front of the mirror while straightening his hair. "Hurry up, we gotta open the shop in a few minutes," Howard passed by him briefly. Vince looked over and noticed Howard was wearing a scarf. He crinkled his nose and raised an eyebrow_. _"Howard never wears accessories, it's all part of his philosophy of how he doesn't buffet around the winds of fashion or something like that," Vince thought to himself.

Vince followed Howard with his hands behind his back. "Howard, what's with the scarf?" he asked.

"Hm?" Howard turned round. "I just felt like wearing it… it's a new look," he blinked.

"Howard you blinked," Vince said.

"So?" Howard pulled the scarf up and tightened it.

"That means you're hiding something," Vince laughed. "You're too easy!"

"No I'm not, really I just felt like wearing this today. Can't I wear a scarf and not be questioned about it?" Howard smoothed the material down against his neck, as if to hide something.

Vince shook his head and grinned. "But you never accessorize, why the scarf?"

"It's a little chilly in here ok?" Howard furrowed his brows. He despised when Vince was so meddlesome.

"C'mon take it off, doesn't suit you anyways," Vince reached for the scarf.

"No, hands off!" Howard clamped his hand over it and swatted with the other.

"Why so defensive? Let me see it!" Vince tugged at the bottom of the scarf.

"Vince cut it out!" Howard snarled while trying to pull it from his hand.

Vince grabbed it from Howard's neck and slipped it off easily. He howled with laughter. "What on earth is that?"

"Give me back my bloody scarf!" Howard cried, covering his neck with his hand.

"Nah uh, no use trying to conceal it, it's already out there!" Vince taunted.

"You little prick!" Howard grumbled and removed his hand, revealing hickeys all over his neck.

Vince laughed even harder than the first time. "Oh geez! It hurts! It hurts!" he clutched at his stomach as he laughed. He sucked in his breath and let out raspy cackles. "Oh! Oh! Oh God! Oh God! Ohhh!" he almost fell over from uncontrollable laughter.

"Are you done yet?" Howard's face was crimson and firm.

"Oh you poor bastard!" Vince wheezed. "It looks like an ulcer! What'd Alice do? Pour battery acid on you?"

"Just shut up and give me my scarf please," Howard demandingly held out his hand.

"I'd hate to think of where else she gave you those!" Vince covered his face and snickered.

"You're a real creep you know," Howard snatched the scarf from his hand.

Vince clasped his hands together and chuckled. "So how'd it happen?" he grinned deviously.

"Well you see, it started out as her usual kissing and touching and then… wait a minute, why am I telling you? You sick perv!" Howard whacked Vince with the scarf.

Vince laughed as Howard hit him. "Oh yeah, what else? Did she scratch your back? Bite your nips? Did you pull her hair? Did you spank her? Spank her good?"

"Get away you're bloody disgusting!" Howard shoved him aside and went downstairs.

"Oh c'mon Howard, don't be shy! Does she ride you like Seabuscuit?" Vince followed him a few steps down.

Howard angrily stormed out of the shop. "Hey Howard! Howard! Do you two go at it like this huh?" Vince thrust his hips against the stair railing. "Oh yeah! Woo! Yeah!" he spanked the railing while humping it.

Naboo came out of his room and stared at Vince wide-eyed. "What are you doing?"

"Oh uh… just checking the railing here… yeah it's pretty sturdy, it's never coming off," Vince knocked on the railing.

"Hm… not the first time I've seen you do this," Naboo said.

"What me? No, never," Vince chuckled awkwardly.

"Whatever you say, all I know is if the stair railing breaks off, I'm not blaming Howard," Naboo shook his head tiskingly.

"Right," Vince walked with Naboo to the living room and threw himself on the couch.

"Easy! Don't be breaking my furniture!" Naboo exclaimed.

"Oh sorry, say speaking of Howard, what do you think of his girlfriend?"

"What the blonde? Eh she's fine," Naboo sat on a chair gently. "She's just been dodging me ever since I told her about what happened to her uncle. Poor thing, I'd have Dennis apologize to give her some closure, but knowing how the Head Shaman gets around girls, that might not work out right and Methuselah's gone through enough."

Vince chuckled. "Oh you mean the exotic beauty with the accent that does the modeling?"

"Yes and you must remember that Lester lost a head for you. You should watch what you do more closely," Naboo said sternly.

"Yes, I didn't forget," Vince said in a guilty voice

"It's nothing really, don't beat yourself up over it, but the ritual to put Cornflake back together was an ordeal…" Naboo paused. "There's a big flaw,"

Vince laughed. "Really? Like what?"

"Well he's half-done. Halfway through, Tony separated Lester's head from his body to y'know…" Naboo waved his hand and winced, not wanting to get into detail. "So we had to start over, but we were all exhausted, so Dennis decided that we should take a break. We all thought he seemed fine anyway, but we were so wrong… you know that candy… PEZ?"

"Yeah I love PEZ!" Vince said excitedly. Naboo pulled out a PEZ dispenser out of his robe. Vince covered his mouth and squealed. "Oh my God! He's a plastic toy!"

"No you stupid burk, look at the container," Naboo flipped the top. "See? That's what's wrong with him now."

"Ohhhh… sick," Vince frowned.

"I just hope Alice doesn't see her uncle's new trick, she'll completely lose her mind." Naboo put the dispenser away. "Now this is between you and me Vince got it?"

"Yeah sure I got it," Vince nodded. "Can you imagine what it'd be like if she was to see him like that? He'd be like 'Ohhhh Alice, get me the aspirin, I'm feeling all light-headed!'" Vince pretended like his head was hanging slack from his neck. "And then she'd be like 'Eeeeee! Oh my-ski God-avous-ski-ski!' Or how ever she says that jazz rubbish, what a riot that'd be!"

"Stop that I'm serious," Naboo frowned.

"Alright, alright, I'm sorry," Vince chuckled. "I just don't really like her all that much."

Why not? She probably keeps Howard out of your hair," Naboo said.

"Yeah that she does, but I can't stand her around. She's annoying, always following Howard around like a shadow and it's like I don't exist to him anymore," Vince moped a bit.

"Aw jealous much?" Naboo grinned and nudged Vince.

"Ewwww!" Vince overdramatically pretended to purge. "No way!"

"But Dennis told me that he saw the both of you…"

"I was gonna get butchered!" Vince interrupted. "That crazy git was gonna behead me and I didn't even touch his damned wife! Everything was going too fast so I panicked and thought of something ridiculously random to calm the situation!"

"So you and Moon aren't um…" Naboo hesitated.

"No!" Vince exclaimed.

"Damn, I owe Bollo fifty Euros!" Naboo muttered under his breath.

"What?" Vince squeaked.

"Nothing, nothing," Naboo shifted his eyes. "So what's your problem then?"

"She's just irritating. I used to think Howard was a real boor, but she's even worse. She giggles non-stop like she's on something. I mean come on, Howard's as dry as a rice cake!"

"Mmmm hmm… continue," Naboo rested his chin on his hand.

"And she's just not right, what's wrong with that girl? She's younger than me and she's with someone as old as Howard! She's abnormal, girls her age are out partying, dancing, and getting wasted out of their minds, but instead she's into poetry, jazz, and a lot of the same rubbish as Howard. Don't you think that sounds a bit off?"

"In some ways I suppose, but why should we be concern? Moon's finally got himself a girl," Naboo said.

Vince sighed. "You're missing the point. Howard's not the same anymore. He's been altered by her, the Howard I knew was stiff and rigid like an angry tree stump, but now he's weird, he's like a giant… happy dancing bear!"

"Maybe because Cornflake's niece makes him happy?" Naboo shrugged.

"I suppose then, I just…" Vince sighed in an exhausted way. "I want my old mate back…"

"To hold you close in the night when it's raining outside?" the shaman snickered deviously.

"Oh get stuffed Ali Baba! When's Lester supposed to come back so she can go ahead and leave already?" Vince made a sour face.

As if by coincidence, Lester returned home from his trip. He had a dozen Mardi Gras beads around his neck. He opened the door and sighed with glee. "New Orleans was sure fun, but it's good to be back!" He put his luggage down. "Alice Sweetheart I'm back!" He called out. The blind old man wandered aimlessly looking for his niece. "Alice where are you? I need you to help me with my bags!" Lester fumbled around until he found the coat rack. "Oh there you are, come here you!" he squeezed the coat rack lovingly but then it collapsed. "Oh Alice! Didn't I tell you to drink more milk? You could really use the calcium!" He scolded.

Meanwhile in the bedroom, Howard and Alice were having an intimate moment. He kissed her deeply as he moved inside of her. She moaned under the kiss and gripped at his back. Howard breathed hard through his nose, truly intoxicated by her. Alice broke from the kiss and cried out as her body quaked beneath him. He panted heavily while holding her hips tightly against him. Her moans of pleasure made him want to keep at it non-stop.

All of a sudden, the door swung open and Lester barged in. "Alice, you in here?" he hollered.

Alice and Howard gasped in great fright, unable to move. Alice's jaw quivered but then she slowly choked out the words. "Oh… hi Uncle Lester…"

"Hi there Sweetie, what've you been up to?" Lester asked plainly, oblivious to what went on.

"Oh nothing really… h-how was your trip?" she replied.

"I had a good time, can I have a hug? I missed you Honey," Lester merrily took a few steps close with his arms stretched out.

"Noooooooo!" Howard wailed. Alice quickly covered his mouth with her hand.

"Oh sorry… I'm… I'm sick and I don't want you to catch what I got!" Her voice came out louder than she wanted it to.

"Was that Howard I heard? Hi there Howard, still practicing that kazoo?" he asked.

"Y-yeah… I'm starting to sound real good…" Howard was mortified. He didn't think it would be anymore humiliating if Lester could see.

"That's great, keep it up! Oh and Alice, I hope you weren't too bored watching over my place were you?"

"Not really…" Alice looked up at Howard and smiled. He laced his fingers through hers affectionately. She lowered her eyelids and almost lost herself in his eyes, but then she remembered her uncle standing in the middle of the room. "I mean there were times I was bored but I managed!"

"I uh… kept her company…" Howard mumbled.

"I see, Howard do you think you could join me in the living room?" Lester said as he stepped out of the doorway.

"Sure… I'll join you in a bit…" Howard said.

After he was dressed, he walked out into the living room. Lester was sitting in his chair with his hands on his lap. Somehow it seemed as though the old man was staring at him even though he couldn't see. It made him feel uneasy. "What did you need?" he asked timidly.

"I don't think you understood me clearly," Lester said in a grave tone. He placed his leg over his knee and leaned back in his chair.

"What do you mean?" Howard asked.

"I said to keep my niece company right?" Lester asked.

"Yes you did," Howard said. He couldn't help but feel intimidated. This didn't feel right to him, usually Lester is zany and quirky, but at this moment he was dower and serious.

"Right, glad we're on the same page Howard, but now I don't know if I can trust you now," Lester crossed his arms.

"W-why not?" Howard was confused now.

"Oh don't give me that! I know very well what you were doing in there!" Lester snapped.

"What do you mean? I wasn't doing anything!" Howard shook his head.

"Howard I may be old and my eyesight may have gone but it doesn't require sight to perceive the dirty deed happening right in front of me! I can sense movement and vibrations and sounds and heat and know damned well it's not a vigorous dance routine! I knew you were desperate and lonely, but I didn't know the lengths you'd go through to overcome it, even if it meant violating my darling young niece! Oh what a sick twisted man you are Moon to even fantasize about it… if I could have my eyesight back this moment, it'd be to see you writhe in the world of pain I could place you in… " Lester slowly rose from his chair.

"Lester, Lester… please…. " Howard backed away with his hands up, afraid the blind man could smell his fear. Howard squint his eyes. That wasn't the best thing to say.

"Oh that's it! Come here and show me where your face is so I can bash it in!" Lester shouted. Howard whimpered and placed Lester's hand against his face.

"Uncle Lester no!" Alice cried out and ran out into the living room.

"You! I'm very disappointed with you young lady!" Lester shouted.

"Uncle Lester please, I'm not a child anymore," she said.

"Your parents aren't going to be very pleased when they hear about this!" He scolded.

"Come on, my parents could care less about who I get with."

"I doubt that your parents don't give a damn about their daughter's well-being!" Lester frowned.

"I didn't mean it like that!" she puffed.

"You're so clueless about the danger you could've put yourself in getting involved with someone like Howard!"

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?" Howard frowned.

"Howard keep out of this, besides from this day forth, we're through!" Lester shouted

"Uncle dear, take it easy, you're getting yourself all stressed out," Alice said.

"No I'm not finished with you yet Missy! You don't seem to understand the magnitude of this situation! Good God! This is worse than that time you were with that girl Jeanne!" Lester exclaimed. Howard raised his eyebrows and shifted his eyes to her questionably.

Alice gasped and scowled. "That was a boy and his name was _Gene_ not Jeanne! G-E-N-E! Gene!" She growled from embarrassment.

"Sure did smell pretty for a boy…" Lester said.

Alice rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Anyway, back to the point, Howard is nowhere near as bad as you're making him out to be, he's a good person. He's charming, benevolent, and I like him very much," she held Howard's hand. Howard was about to lean in to kiss her, but suddenly she was getting pulled away.

"Come on Alice, that's enough of that. I'm getting you a bus ticket and you're gonna leave this place," Lester ordered.

"No please don't do this!" She pleaded as she grabbed onto Howard.

"Alice come on now! I won't let you endanger yourself like this!" Lester tugged on her.

"Lester have you lost your mind? I haven't done any harm to her!" Howard held on to her protectively.

"Get your hands off my beloved niece!" Lester growled and pulled on her.

"No I don't want to leave!" Alice cried and buried her face into Howard's shirt.

"Get off Corncrake!" Howard shouted while thrusting his hand in Lester's face.

Suddenly, Lester's head flopped backwards and dangled. A chorus of shrieks and screams came from Howard and Alice. They couldn't look away from the macabre sight. They just kept screaming as they stared in horror.

"What have I done? What did I do?" Howard wailed as he stared at his hands.

"God! Oh God! Oh my God!" Alice shrieked at the top of her lungs. She raked her fingers through her hair while screaming. _"Lester! Lester!"_

"Alice c'mon! Let's go! Let's go!" He screamed as he pulled on her arm until she moved. They scrambled out the door while screaming.

"Ha, I wonder what's gotten into them," Lester said


	9. Chapter 9

After the unfortunate ordeal with Lester, things seemed to just get worse by the minute. Since Howard wasn't welcomed at Lester's place anymore, Alice would sneak out and meet Howard at the Nabootique. As happy as this made Howard, things weren't going so pleasant. Alice and Vince would somehow wind up in arguments that seemed to never end. Howard couldn't understand why she and he were so quarrelsome. Vince, of all people, usually gets along with women, but it was as if her very presence irritated him. It was impossible for Howard to try to stop them. He was caught between his lifelong friend and his sweetheart.

"You're stupid! You're so stupid Vince!"

"Oh I'm stupid? At least I don't use ancient scatty jazz lingo when I talk!"

"It shows I have some etiquette Johnny Rotten! I've seen monkeys with more class than you!"

"What are you talking about? I'm all about class, I fix my hair, shop for the best quality clothing, and I never buy generic products! And Johnny Rotten was genius!"

"That's not class, that's being arrogant and superficial! You're shallow as a puddle!"

"My God, do you ever shut up?"

Howard clamped his hands over his ears and groaned. "I can't believe this started over breakfast cereal mascots."

"I know more about them than anybody!" Vince snapped. "Flower girl here fails to realize that!"

"Cap'an Crunch is not a monster!" Alice protested with her hands on her hips.

"Yeah he is! He's a bleeding Cut Throat so it proves he goes in the same category as Frankenberry, Count Chocula, and Boo Berry!" Vince shouted.

"He is not a Cut Throat!" Alice shouted back.

"Of course he is! He's holding a freakin' cutlass!"

"Pirates are humans so he's not part of the lot of them!"

"Yes he is! I bet if I ask Naboo he'll think so too!"

"What's with all the loud yelling?" Naboo asked as he came out into the living room.

"Naboo tell me, I know there's a fourth character in Count Chocula's group. Now tell me, isn't it Cap'an Crunch?" Vince asked. He sneered at Alice, awaiting the shaman's answer.

"No actually it's Fruit Brute," Naboo said.

"See? I told you! Bang! Proved you wrong!" Alice hollered and threw her head back.

"Put a cork in it already!" Vince yelled.

"No wonder I don't get much sleep around here," Naboo said. He slipped through them and noticed a distressed Howard. "You don't look too well, what's the problem?"

Howard let out a gruff sigh. "I don't understand why there's so much hostility between them."

"I'm certainly sensing a lot of negative energy between them, but I'm also sensing some misguidance, how's your friendship with Vince been?"

"I really don't know, but lately he's been a bit of a pill though that's nothing unusual."

"I see, what've you been doing lately?"

"Nothing much except giving all the attention I can muster to that lovely lady with the yellow flowing hair like butter and skin soft and smooth as buttermilk… and when I hold her close, she melts and in the heat of passion… we both melt together into this warm and sweet… ooze…" Howard gazed at her with fondness.

"What's with you and this thing of comparing women to dairy products?" Naboo muttered with a look of disgust. He couldn't help but imagine a mass of yellow on a bed bubbling and overflowing onto the floor.

"Huh?" Howard turned to Naboo.

"Nevermind, anyway I see you haven't been balancing out things,"

"What do you mean?"

"Things with Vince and Alice y'ballbag. You're supposed to keep your relationships and your friendships balanced so no one's upset."

"What makes you the expert of these matters?"

"I'm a Eunuch"

"Yes you are unique," Howard said.

"No not unique, Eunuch as in… never mind," Naboo shifted his eyes in a neurotic way. "Anyways, you have to come to some sort of compromise between them. I mean look what's become of all this." Naboo gestured at Alice and Vince ceaselessly arguing. "I don't blame you for your error though, after all this is your first relationship."

"I-I've had relationships before…" Howard said softly.

"Using a piece of fruit with a hole cut in it doesn't count," Naboo said frankly.

"I… uh… nnn…." Howard's face turned beet red and he crooked his lips, struggling to say something.

"Why's this peach have a hole in it?" Bollo grunted, holding up the fruit.

"No! Don't eat that!" Howard franticly ran to Bollo, snatching the peach from him and slamming it in a waste basket. Bollo glared at Howard with pure disgust.

"As I was saying, you can't just give one of them attention and neglect the other, especially if it's Vince. Vince especially is an individual who can't be ignored. You see, Vince is like a puppy or a small child. He needs attention and if you neglect him, he'll do what puppies do if you leave them alone for a long period of time, get bored and a bit sad and even get destructive. Just look what he did to Stationary Village."

Howard gasped in horror as he noticed the once beautiful Stationary Village in shambles. "Alright Naboo, give me a piece of rolled up newspaper 'cause this puppy needs to be taught a lesson!"

"Now, now, now," Naboo held him back. "Don't scold him, it'll only make it worse. Just talk to him, yeah?"

"Oh alright then," Howard said. He walked over by Vince.

"You look like Hans Christian Anderson dressed in drag!" Alice shrieked at Vince.

"Who the hell is that? I have no idea who that is but you look an awful lot like Fabio!" Vince shouted.

"You piece of…"

"Alright that's enough," Howard rubbed her shoulder. "Hey Vince, didn't you say you were running out of root booster? How 'bout we go pick some up?"

"Oh ok then, can we get ice cream too?" Vince grinned excitedly.

"Um… yeah sure," Howard said.

"And waffle bowls too?" Vince bounced up and down.

"Yeah, yeah, let's go," Howard said.

"Oh wait, wait Moonie, we have to get ready soon, the jazz club opens in an hour," Alice said.

"Oh that's right Sweetie, how could I forget?" he grinned and cuddled her.

"You Wanker!" Vince shouted. He wailed and ran off, throwing a tantrum.


	10. Chapter 10

Briskly, Alice was primping herself. Until she was satisfied with herself, she grabbed her purse and headed out of her room. She bit her lower lip when she noticed her uncle coming her way. She sighed quietly. She couldn't help but feel guilt for leaving him like this each day especially since he trusted her so much, plus she lied that she needed to stay with him. Nevertheless, she had to see Howard even if it involved betraying her uncle. She sprinted past him stealthily.

"I rather like that perfume you're wearing, is it new?" Lester asked.

Alice cursed herself. Maybe she shouldn't have put any on, but then again her uncle's senses are highly acute. It could've been her breath or her footsteps if it weren't for her perfume. "Yes it is, thank you for noticing," she said meekly.

"My, it amazes me how you're grown to be a well-rounded young lady. Do you mind?" Lester raised his hand.

"Of course not," she said.

He placed his hand by her face to feel her features. "Oh I wish I still had my eyesight to see how pretty you've become. I just know someday you'll be some fellow's everything."

"Oh Uncle Lester," she smiled but then a shadow of grief swept over her. She possibly already is, but he won't accept him. "Well I have to go, the uh… girls are waiting for me."

"Alright you go on ahead then Sweetie. Hey, think you could put in a good word for me with one of your lady friends?" he nudged her and gave a cheeky smile.

"Oh you!" Alice hugged him cheerfully.

"I love you too much," Lester said as he patted her back.

"Me too," she attempted to smile despite feeling guilt. "Well I really have to go, I'll see you later."

"See you then, oh and I wasn't kidding. Tell your friends about me," he said.

"Stop it!" she giggled as she left.

Alice sauntered glumly as she looked down at the sidewalk. She didn't like having to lie to her uncle, but she couldn't help it. When around Howard, she would be filled with so much joy. The way he cherished her delighted her greatly. Her past relationships never came close to this. She tried her best to convince Lester how nice Howard was with her, but her uncle wouldn't stand for it. He now saw his previous friend as a cad and he didn't want anything to do with him nor did he want her to come near him.

Alice opened the door when she came by the Nabootique. "Hello? Moonie are you here?" she called out.

"Alice!" Howard ran to her and embraced her while slightly lifting her up.

She giggled with enthusiasm and held him close, immediately feeling better. "Well you're sure in a good mood," she said.

"I always am when I see you," he said as he compressed her body against his and rocked her slightly.

"That's good to know," she said. She rested her head against his shoulder.

"We should go somewhere, where do you want to go?" Howard asked.

"I don't know, how 'bout Jamaica?" she giggled slightly.

"Alright sure, I'll get us some plane tickets," he patted her cheek and smiled.

"We don't have that kind of money," Vince sneered in the background.

"Sorry Bird, bank's closed," Alice stuck her tongue at Vince.

"No it isn't, it's only closed on Sundays," Vince said.

Howard chuckled. "She means she's not interested."

"Ugh, more jazz rubbish? C'mon do I really look like I want to break out in hives so early in the day?" Vince whined.

"It's not that early, it's the afternoon," Howard said.

"Yeah whatever, since I know the both of you can't keep the jazzy shit to a minimum, I suggest you both leave 'cause if I get a rash, I'm making you rub the ointment!" Vince pointed at Howard while frowning.

Howard shrugged. "Fine by us, let's go," he placed his arm around Alice's waist and went out the door.

"What if we were to go off some place nice?" he asked as they walked.

"I don't know, would be nice I suppose," Alice's voice accidently dropped at the end.

"Well I was meaning hypothetically actually, not like we're really going any time soon," Howard said.

"Oh I'm sorry, I got a tad distracted," she said.

"Are you alright? I'm sorry if Vince upset you. I told him to quit being so rude but he just can't stop it," he said.

"Well it's not that, it's something else, but it's hard to explain," she lowered her eyes.

"Why don't we go to the park? We could talk about it there," he pulled her snuggly next to him.

"Yeah we could do that," she smiled slightly.

They sat on a bench when they came to the park. Howard placed his arm around her shoulders and looked at her. "So what's wrong?" he asked.

"It's just that Lester, my uncle he…" Alice sighed. She was beginning to get stressed thinking about him.

"Don't worry, take your time," Howard sympathetically rubbed her shoulder.

"He's been so difficult ever since he… since he found out about us and he says the most rude, hurtful, and downright awful things about you… and I just can't stand it," she shook her head in despair.

"Oh Alice, you don't have to worry about me," he said as he stroked the side of her face tenderly with the back of his hand.

"How did you manage after it happened?" she asked.

"Just fine Dearest," he said.

"But it seemed as though you and my uncle were close… I noticed his calander had several days for you two to meet, but I found that recently… he crossed them all out…" her voice croaked at the end. "It's like he loathes you completely…"

Howard looked like he was saddened by this, but then he held her close and drew her face near his. "Believe me, I'm just fine. Always with you I am," he said softly as he kissed her.

She wrapped her arms around his neck. The way he valued her so much made her want to fall to pieces. Here she had something worth while, but she felt like it would soon diminish. A tear slowly began to trickle down her cheek.

"Alice what's the matter?" Howard asked while he gently wiped her tear away with his thumb.

"Oh Howard…" she sobbed quietly. Her eyes glittered with more tears.

Howard delicately placed his arms around her waist and pulled her closely to him. She sniffed and gripped his shoulders. "Alice we're going to be just fine. Things may seem bad now but it'll get better soon," he said in his warm voice.

"Alright," Alice said. She rested her face against his chest. She wanted to believe things would get better.


	11. Chapter 11

Howard thought about how troubled Alice was the other day. She was like a wilting flower in his arms as she wept. He wished he could've known what made her suddenly burst into tears, but he knew a majority of her tears were for him. He couldn't believe that she cried for him. She was way more concerned for him than he was for himself. Even though the sight of her in pain made him ache inside, he was astonished to see how much she cared for him. It seemed too soon, but for a while now he began to wonder if maybe he…

"Howard I've been hollering your name for the past fifteen minutes! Are you going to answer me already?" Vince shouted.

"What do you want? This better be something good," Howard frowned. He forgot what he was thinking of.

"I ripped my drain pipes," Vince said. He pouted as he showed where the trousers were ripped.

Howard looked at Vince with strong distaste. "And what do you want me to do about it?" he said bitterly.

"I need to borrow some money to get new ones," Vince said.

"No, no, you don't need to buy new ones, just sew them yourself!" Howard exclaimed.

"But I don't feel like it, I'd rather get new ones anyways," Vince said.

"Vince those trousers cost a hundred Euros! There's no way I'm lending you any more money when I damn-well know you can sew!"

"God what's gotten into you? What, did I disrupt you from your usual daydreams of Lil' Miss Corn Puff?" Vince made mocking signs with his hands.

"First of all, for the hundred thousandth time it's Corncrake, and second, that's not her last name you Ponce it's Orchid," Howard said through gritted teeth.

"Yeah whatever, besides she's no good here," Vince said.

"I beg your pardon," Howard crossed his arms.

"Oh you haven't heard the latest word on the street?" Vince grinned deviously.

"Yes of course, the latest gossip and buzzworthy news," Howard sarcastically spread his arms out and furrowed his eyebrows.

"Word on the street is, get this," Vince snickered. "People think Alice is your daughter!"

"What?" Howard was outraged.

Vince laughed. "No really believe me, they think since you have the mustache and the grandpa hat thing going on, that must mean like you're her daddy. Didn't I tell you to lose that thing? It makes you age forty years instantly."

"I told you before this is never coming off," Howard pointed to his mustache. "It makes me look distinguished, plus Alice likes it. She said it feels nice."

"Uggghhhhh! I don't want to know what you do with it!" Vince waved his hands as if to bat away obscene images from coming in his head.

I didn't mean it like that you sick pup! And what you said doesn't prove anything!" Howard glared. He couldn't stand the vulgarity of it.

"Well you do act a little… um fatherly with her. Just the other day, my mate Jim was like 'That old coot's feeling up his teenage daughter!'" Vince laughed. "You gotta admit that's hilarious! Now when people thought I was your wife, that was annoying, but this is funny! A bit morbid but funny as hell!"

"I don't find it the least bit funny at all. In fact, I'm rather disgusted!" With that, Howard fled to the stairs, expressing great wrath.

"Oh Howard come on, don't be so sensitive!" Vince said.

Howard's blood boiled and his stomach turned. It felt like everyone was against the idea of him and Alice being together and not only that, even the idea of him being with anyone. He leaned against the arm of the couch and stared off in the room sullenly. All he ever wanted was a chance to be happy. Was it too out of the ordinary for him?

Suddenly, the phone rang. He lifted it off the receiver. "Hello?" he answered.

"Hello is this Howard?" a woman's voice said on the other line.

"She's not my daughter!" he shouted bitterly.

"W-what on earth? I don't understand, this is Alice," she said.

"Oh! I'm so sorry Baby! So sorry! Yes this is Howard speaking," his face turned red from embarrassment. He gripped at the phone, hoping she wouldn't hang up.

She laughed. "It's alright Moonie, don't worry about it. I found the number in the phonebook so I thought I'd try ringing you."

"Alright if you want to know the hours here, we're open from nine AM to seven PM," he said.

"Oh you!" she giggled.

He smiled. Hearing her laughter was heart-warming for him. "Say how've you been? I was beginning to worry about you…" The pitiful memory of her doe eyes streaming with tears formed in his mind.

"Aw I'm doing fine Moonie. I was feeling pretty bad, but I got better. Thanks for asking though Sweetheart," she said. Her voice was filled with cheer.

"Your welcome…" he brushed his cheek against his shoulder, becoming slightly bashful.

"Gosh, you're just so adorable!" she said.

"Nah… but you, you're real cute like a little bunny," he said.

She giggled with joy. "Oh if you want to talk about looks then you're beyond cute, you're exceptional!"

He chuckled and blushed. "Then you're gorgeous, super gorgeous Darling. I'd plant you in the ground and make a garden of Alice Orchids!"

"Stop it!" she laughed.

I'm telling you, you're beautiful Alice, really," he said.

"Thank you Moonie thanks," she said.

"Guh… ask her about what she's wearing already…" an unknown voice muttered on the phone.

"What? Who was that?" Alice's voice was a little outraged. The voice chuckled.

"Vince! Is that you?" Howard shouted.

The voice giggled mischievously. "Yes."

"Get off the other line Vince!" Howard ordered.

"But you're both being boring and stupid. This conversation needs to get hot in the worst way," Vince said.

"Vince I'd really like it if you could just get off the phone now," Howard tapped his fingers angrily.

"C'mon Howard, you're getting advice from a pro," Vince said.

"Off now Vince!" Howard exclaimed.

"Alright I'll leave you two love birds alone," Vince chuckled and then hung up.

Howard sighed and shook his head. "I'm so sorry about that, really I am," he said.

"Some people just don't mature anymore do they?" Alice said.

"I guess not," he grumbled.

"Oh don't fret Moonie, he's not worth it," she said.

"I suppose, but he sure does piss me off. Alice, I want to ask you something." He sighed, thinking of that ugly rumor Vince talked about. "Are you ashamed of me?"

"No, why would I?" she asked.

"I don't know… like do you think I'm too…" he sighed again and grimaced. "…old?"

"Of course not Honey, I could care less about what you look like. I like you anyways, in fact can you keep a secret?" she giggled slightly.

"Yeah?" he said.

She giggled like an amorous school girl. "I always did fancy older men…" she said shyly.

"Is that so?" he grinned, greatly flattered.

"Certainly, they're so much more mature and charm just seems to come natural and well… I just think they have more sex appeal…" she giggled shyly.

"Do you think I do?" he lowered his voice and held the phone closer to his ear. He was astonished. She found him sexy. He grinned and traced the fine lines by his eyes. Maybe he wouldn't have to get that expensive facelift after all.

Her soft giggles sounded like she was getting bashful. "No doubt about that… you're just wow… incredibly sexual…"

Suddenly there was roaring laughter heard on the phone. "Vince!" Howard yelled. He felt like a teakettle over boiling.

"Oh! Oh God that's sick!" Vince cackled. It sounded like Vince had a few friends there laughing and jeering.

"Hey there Pops, you getting some tail there?" one of Vince's friends said.

"Ah! I better make sure she doesn't come near my grandpa!" Leroy cried out.

"Isn't he the one who looks like a geography teacher?" his friend asked.

"Yep it sure is Jim!" Vince snickered.

"She likes old balls!" Leroy shouted out.

"Vince I swear if you don't hang up right now, I'm gonna… Alice? Alice are you there?" Howard heard a click in the background and then silence.


	12. Chapter 12

Alice swung open the shop door and walked in, panting. "Sorry I hung up on you… you sounded very distressed."

"Oh it's quite alright, I was actually more worried about you. I thought you became vexed and since I didn't say anything in your defense, I was thinking maybe you were…" Howard turned his bottom lip.

"No I wasn't angry with you and I never could be," she came to him immediately and touched the sides of his face. "Why would you think that?"

"I don't know… it's beyond my reasoning," he said. He despised how poor he was at hiding denial. He couldn't believe how Alice remained with him this long. After almost a fragment of a second, he could tell if he didn't have a chance with a woman. He'd used to think she either had a strong stomach or she possessed one of the kindest hearts that it seems almost impossible to find.

"You poor thing, you sound so glum!" she pressed her forehead against his.

"No I'm fine, I'm fine," he placed his hands over hers, smiling automatically.

"Sure you're alright Moonie? You sounded so sad on the phone," Alice said.

"Don't worry, everything's alright now, really I'm fine," Howard held her hands in front of his chest.

"Are you really sure?" she asked.

He kissed her softly on the lips. "Does that answer your question?"

"I don't know, that could mean anything…" she said with a coy grin.

He placed his arms around her and gave her a deeper kiss. "Was that any more convincing?" he asked.

"It's kind of hard to see what you're trying to get at, but maybe if you can really try…"she was close to giggling.

Howard took the advice from her last word and held the back of her head. She tilted her head to get closer to him and ran her hands up his back. He sighed under the kiss, feeling peace of mind knowing he had her to call his own. He couldn't remember how he was before he was with her, but he knew he wouldn't want to. He didn't even have to try, the joy he experienced though her overshadowed the despair of being lonesome for countless years. It was astonishing how long years of suffering could be turned around by something that seemed to have happened briefly. He stroked her hair and wrapped his other arm around her waist. She held onto him as if she was melding with him.

"Howard," Naboo called as he walked out in the shop. "Hey I wanted to know… oh c'mon give it a rest!" he frowned.

"Oh sorry 'bout that…" Howard gave him an awkward smile. He didn't notice that he had Alice pressed against the desk suggestively.

"You didn't eat any of my owl beaks, did you?" the shaman asked in a stern tone.

"No of course not," Howard said.

"Owl beaks? What are they for?" Alice asked.

"Um… nothing…" Howard blushed.

"They're highly concentrated aphrodisiacs. It makes the blood flow rapidly and it'll keep you going for hours. Commonly used by men Howard's age," Naboo said. Howard scowled and growled quietly.

"Well he doesn't need it anyways. In fact he's doing well off!" she rubbed her cheek against his chest and held him tight.

"That was a little more than I needed to know…" Naboo winced and cringed his shoulders as if he was getting icy water poured on his back.

"Alice you should know better than that. You can't just give away personal information like that," Howard shook his finger at her. She playfully bit his finger. "Oh you're gonna get it!" he warned. She giggled and slipped away from him, but then he came from behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist.

Naboo was a little surprised by how Howard was acting. He was being playful and silly. He couldn't blame Vince for thinking there was something wrong with the jazz maverick since this was very much unlike him, but that was mostly because he felt as though his childhood friend was going to desert him for this young perky girl with the same passions as him. Naboo shook his head. It amused him how Earthlings just can't seem to agree on things in a positive manner like Xooberons. There always has to be disagreements and conflicts in everything. He would know, after all he lived on this planet for many years and observed it before he came. He could've changed everything in those years, but it would've been an utter waste. No matter what, there's always going to be more Vinces, Howards, Bob Fossils, and even Bainbridges here on this planet to obstruct everything, so why not just sit back, take a few hits from the ol' hookah and pretend the problems in the world don't exist?

"Well that's enough now Moon, c'mon," Naboo said.

"Aw do you have to go?" Alice pouted.

"Yes I do unfortunately, but I won't be long," Howard touched her cheek.

"Don't let go, I'll catch cold!" she tightened her grip on him.

"Oh!" he chuckled heartily. "Well we wouldn't want that to happen would we?"

"Howard I'm waiting!" Naboo protested as he tapped his foot impatiently.

"Alright, alright I'm coming," Howard groaned. He gave her a quick kiss. "I'll be back."

"Promise?" she smiled.

"Of course I will," he stroked her hair.

"Howard!" Naboo beckoned.

"Fine, fine, fine!" Howard grunted as he followed Naboo.

Alice giggled with delight as she watched him leave disgruntled. She found it so adorable when he'd get upset, especially over her. Vince walked past Naboo and Howard. His body jerked with a start when he saw her. "Oh, I didn't see you there," he said.

"Hi Vince," she replied.

"Listen," he tilted his head and scratched behind his neck. "I'm sorry about earlier today. I and my mates were just having a bit of fun."

She took a deep breath and exhaled through her nose. She really didn't want to argue with him but she knew it was bound to happen one way or another. Thanks a lot but just remember, ignorance is temporary but stupidity is permanent."

Vince puffed. "I did say I was sorry!"

"There's another reason why I prefer older men. The younger ones are rude, arrogant, and superficial, plus not to mention the greatest love of their lives are themselves!" Alice spat the last part.

"I don't see what your personal life has to do with this," he said with an icy twist.

She had the look of wanting to thrash him, but she was a dignified young woman that would never resort to hitting someone. "I don't understand you Vince. Howard is supposedly your best mate but yet you express great apathy towards him," she frowned.

"Apathy?" he repeated with his hands on his hips.

"Oh you don't think so? You're terrible to him! You belittle him and you manipulate him all out of spite and yet he still remains here with you even after all the humiliation you put him through!"

"Hold it," Vince raised his hand. "You don't know half the things I've done for him. I'll have you know I've always been there for Howard throughout his life."

"Like a disease!" Alice shouted.

"I'm not finished!" he snapped. "I've always been there for him as a faithful friend. If it weren't for me, he wouldn't be where he is now."

"Guess he could've been doing a whole lot better," she muttered bitterly.

"Oi! Who's ignorant now?" Vince exclaimed.

"Hey what's going on?" Howard noticed them arguing as he came down the stairs.

Alice groaned loudly. "Howard! Why do you bother with him?" she pointed at Vince.

"Sweetheart whatever's the matter?" Howard came to her and delicately touched her face.

"Oh here he is, here to rescue her from the evil Vince Noir!" Vince cried out sarcastically.

"Vince please, now what happened here?" Howard asked.

"He just doesn't stop! He's just an over-grown spoiled rotten child!" Alice said.

"You're really starting to get under my skin Alice! You act as if you're the best thing that ever happened to Howard! " Vince shouted.

"Well maybe I am! Especially after all the bushwa you put him through!" her body shook with annoyance.

"Would you quit using the lame mid-1920's talk and say what you mean? You're not exactly Clara Bow!" he hissed.

"Stop it! Both of you please!" Howard shouted. He was beginning to become greatly irritated by them.

"She's the one who won't stop! She doesn't know anything, she's clueless, she's obtuse, she's… she's blind to all reasoning and logic!" Vince yelled.

Alice's eyes went wide and then closed tight. She wordlessly turned and left the shop.

"Vince!" Howard shouted.

"What's her deal? Just leaving like that," Vince said.

"She's near-sighted, she's afraid she'll go blind someday!" Howard whispered loudly.

"Oh well… I didn't mean it like that," Vince said.

"Doesn't matter, that was very shitty of you," Howard glared intensely.

"Alright geez I'm sorry! No need to get defensive!" Vince cried.

"Why did you have to be so harsh on her?" Howard was furious.

"Hey what am I the villain now? She's the one who got on me first!"

"Vince… I don't care how it started, you really went too far!"

"What the hell Howard? What's so praiseworthy of her? She's just a ditzy blonde!"

"There's reasons I could never explain in words Vince."

"What just because she took your virginity and she's as obsessed with jazz as much as you are?"

"Shut up, just shut up," Howard said coldly. "I can't take this anymore. I can't tell whether it's her you don't like or the fact that I have something good going for me."

"What?" Vince cried out in disbelief.

"It's true, it's always about you: Vince Noir the Rock n' Roll star, the chosen one, and everything else! You always have to come out on top and I'm just supposed to take what's given to me which is usually nothing! But when I get a little something, to you it's like I'm trying to steal all your glory and so what little I have gets taken from me. If it's not by you, it's by those who think you're great and I'm nothing! I can't have this, it's unbearable. I live in your shadow as your support system and even then, it's like I'm worthless to you and not just you, everyone else it seems."

Vince stood there and listened to him earnestly and quietly. "If you don't like it here, you could just leave then 'cause I don't see why you should remain if it's unbearable," Vince finally said in an expressionless voice.

Howard looked down. "That's what I'll do then." He opened the door to the shop.

"Alright," Vince shrugged.

Howard sighed heavily when he was outside. "So this is it then," he thought glumly to himself as he put his head down.

"Howard?" he heard Alice call. She ran up to him and looked at him with deep concern. "Is everything alright?"

Howard pulled her close and embraced her tightly.


	13. Chapter 13

Howard didn't know where to go so he decided to get a hotel for a few days. Alice stayed with him because she couldn't bear to see him alone in pain. It was just a plain room, nothing special, but he knew he would be alright as long as he had her with him. They went out, dined, and made love often. Each day was a holiday to him. It was as if nothing wrong happened before, but secretly, feelings of woe were coming over Alice again. Even as he was leaning over her passionately, the guilt suddenly began to surface.

"Hey…" Howard laid his hands next to her cheeks. "What's wrong?"

"We can't do this anymore," she said weakly.

"Do what? What do you mean?"

"Too much has happened… it's not worth it Howard…" she sounded like she was on the verge of breaking into tears.

"What's not worth it?" he asked with deep concern.

She blinked and a couple of tears fell out of the corners of her eyes. "Us," she said softly.

"Alice, what are you saying?" he pressed his hands into her cheeks. Her warm tears were running over his fingers like tiny brooks.

She sobbed lightly. "Everything's been going wrong."

"Sweetie, things will get better soon, they will..." he was starting to panic, feeling doubt rising. A hard pain was starting to form inside his chest. He felt pain like this before, but not as intense.

"No they won't… it'll only get worse… because of me," she sobbed hard.

"It's not your fault, it never was. There's just some elements that are out of our control, but we've been fine, just don't…" he couldn't finish. The pain was unbearable. It was deep inside like there was a vice grip on his heart and the pain started to travel up to his throat, making it hard to breathe.

"It's my fault… I'm the reason why you're here…" she wept. She tenderly gripped his hands.

"But our stay here has been wonderful… don't you agree?" Howard's body began to shiver from agony. He was trying to hide it but it only worsened.

"It's only reminded me of the trouble I've caused…" she wiped her tears with the back of her hand. "Maybe it'd be best if I just… just…"

"No you don't have to," he earnestly held her hands close to his chest. "Everything's fine Alice… everything's fine…"

"Howard please…" she pleaded.

"Sweetheart," he delicately brushed her hair from her face. "Do you really want this?"

"Of course I don't… but it's best I go before… before…"

Howard held her close and kissed her the deepest he could, as if to convince her to not leave. A warm tear started to roll down his cheek as he thought of how unbearable it would be if he didn't have her anymore. He never thought of them having an end. He expected to still have her within the next week, month, even year, but it seemed as though reality collapsed on him.

"Alice…" he said slowly. We wouldn't have to worry about any of this… we could leave… together… just the two of us…"

"Howard we couldn't…" she sobbed.

"Why… why not?" he sniffed, trying to prevent more tears from falling.

"I can't let you do this to yourself… dropping everything just to run off together. You have so much going for you…"

"I don't have anything and I always have… until I met you…" the tears were far too big for him to hold back now.

"Oh Howard…" she cried.

He placed his arms around her waist and rested his head against her shoulder. He caressed the soft skin of her neck with his cheek. "I need you…" he said in a low voice filled with melancholy.

Alice sobbed as she crossed her arms over his shoulders. "I just don't see it working if everyone else is miserable… I'm sorry Howard…" she held him tightly.

"It doesn't matter Alice… it doesn't, just stay please…" he buried his face in her neck.

She squinted and embraced him. She truly didn't want this at all, but she felt it needed to be done. She ruined two of his friendships, made him lose his job, and virtually made him homeless. She couldn't bear to cause him anymore damage at the cost of herself. Because she cared for him so much, she'd free him of all the misfortune she brought upon him. Knowing how much he needed her complicated this decision. She'd want to go away with him like he suggested but it just didn't feel right to do it despite how wonderful how it could be. She wept as she realized how much she felt for him and how she'd have to forget about him.

"Alice… you don't have to do this…" Howard stroked her cheek. His heart felt as if it was turning into marble and the vessels were tightening themselves. He imagined that he must look grotesque with his eyes puffy and pink from crying. To him, she looked incredibly beautiful. Her cheeks were flushed, her long eyelashes concealed her eyes that were shining with tears, and her lips were quivering.

"It has to be done… I'm sorry…" she sobbed.

Howard closed his eyes and held her tight. This could be the last time he could hold her.


	14. Chapter 14

Howard returned to the Nabootique. He opened the door and walked in solemnly. He sat behind the desk and rested his head against it with his arms around his head as if to hide himself. This was his home, his domain, and his prison. He would never be free of it. He would have to accept that he is to remain here, eventually becoming an antique here himself.

Vince came in from the back door. He noticed Howard sitting behind the desk. "Oh you're back," he said. "Well I just want to say… hey what's the matter?" He could've sworn he heard Howard sniffling. Vince came to check on him.

Howard sniffed again and wiped his eye. "She's gone…" he mumbled.

"What?" Vince asked.

"Alice, she's gone! Are you happy now? She's gone!" Howard exclaimed. He buried his face in his arms.

"No of course not, why would I be? How'd this happen?" Vince asked with deep concern.

"Oh come off it and stop pretending to care! Go ahead and jump for joy, have your fun! At least one of us will be happy right now!" Howard glared.

"Howard don't be like that, I do care," Vince placed his hand on his shoulder.

"Don't touch me! What makes you think I want to be touched right now?" Howard furiously recoiled.

"Howard c'mon I do care, you're one of my best mates," Vince said.

"No you don't! Now go away or I'll really lose it!" Howard exclaimed.

"Come here, it wouldn't be the first time," Vince hugged him. He knew Howard was only hardening himself to hide the pain deep down inside.

"No! Let go of me! Let go you Bastard!" Howard pushed and shoved at Vince, wishing he could rip him to shreds. "Let go! Let go! I don't like to be… I don't… I don't… I don't…" Howard let out a loud cry. "She's gone Vince! She's gone! Why oh why did she have to go? Why?" He grabbed hold of Vince and sobbed hard.

"Easy now, easy," Vince patted his back. "Just let it out."

"She was my everything Vince! Everything! She may not've seemed like much but she meant the world to me! Not just the world but also the sky and the sun and the clouds and the moon and the stars up above! Everything!" he squeezed Vince's thin frame.

"Ack! Howard I said to take it easy!" Vince was finding it hard to breathe with Howard's arms small body.

"W-whu-what am I gonna do without my Alice? I need her! I need her more than anything! Even air!" Howard sobbed and squeezed Vince tighter.

"Not as much as I do!" Vince gasped. He pushed on Howard until his hold was a little bit looser. He took a deep breath and sighed, getting his breath back to normal. "And what do you mean? You'll be fine."

"That's where you're wrong Vince, finding someone at my age is as easy as finding a four-leaf clover or a magic genie..." Howard said weakly.

"Well we kind of have one as both our boss and our landlord Howard and just the other day I found two…"

"You're not helping Vince!" Howard interrupted. "I'm alone and I'm getting old faster by the minute!"

"Oh Howard you're not that old…" Vince forced a smile but it didn't seem too convincing.

"You're too kind Vince but it's the end for me… I'm just an old lonely man now with my hopes lost...I might as well go disappear into the woods…," he sobbed.

"Howard don't be ridiculous," Vince stroked his back. He felt like he was cradling an over-sized baby.

"I should've known… when I first saw Kodiak Jack… I was getting a glimpse of my future self…" Howard sobbed harder.

"What are you daft? You're nothing like that freak!" Vince squeaked.

"Yes I am… in fact he must've been like me when he was younger… he probably loved once… he probably had hopes and dreams… but then one day his world turned upside down and he had no one so he decided to disappear…." He gripped on Vince.

"Howard please, listen to yourself," Vince said.

"I guess before I go… I should…. I should learn what it's like to have a key party with a herd of rhino then…" Howard sniffled like a small child.

"Howard stop that!" Vince frowned.

"…and then I guess I should get an insurance policy put on my scrotum incase a…. a mountain goat tries to sell it on eBay so I can rightfully…"

"Howard! Do you even know what you're saying?" Vince shook Howard violently.

Howard sniffed. "No…" he looked tremendously pitiful. His eyes were bulgy and swollen as tears streamed down and snot was running out of his nose. "All I know is that I want her back!"

"Oh Howard, no one's worth this much emotional train. Just don't think about it. You're bound to find someone new."

"Like where?" Howard asked glumly.

The door to the shop opened abruptly and a well-put-together woman with glasses and a formal pantsuit walked in. "Hello," she said. "I don't mean to disturb you, but I wanted to know if you have any jazz records for sale. You see, I work at the local museum and we're having an exhibit on the jazz Age and so I came here hoping this charming little antique shop would have some. Could any of you gentlemen possibly be of some help?"

Vince shifted his eyes from Howard to her excitedly. He smacked Howard on the back to get his attention. He pointed at her and nodded. Howard looked at her indifferently. He slumped down and lowered his eyes. "Sorry can't help you there, this isn't a good time."

"So I see, well here's my business card so you can keep in touch… with the museum that is," she grinned and handed him her card.

"Thanks, I'm very much obliged," Howard's tone was a tad sarcastic.

"Howard don't be a Burk!" Vince whispered loudly. He smiled kindly at the woman. "Sorry m'am, my mate here is a little under the weather."

"Aw, you don't say? Well sir, I can assure you that you're going to make a great deal of money and if you happen to know a thing or two about jazz, you could be a tour guide for the exhibit. If you're available sometime, we could maybe discuss this, so when would be the best time?"

"Never…" Howard muttered gravely.

"I'm sorry I didn't quite catch that," she tilted her head and placed her hand to her ear.

"Just go," he said.

"Excuse me?" she asked.

"Get out! Out!" He yelled. He jumped out of his chair and charged at her. "I don't want to sponsor anything and I don't want ant anything from you!"

"But Sir I…."

"I don't give a damn!" He yelled. He almost thrashed her but she frantically scampered away from him.

"Sir please, this is important…" she said. He growled as he flung whatever he could at her. She hid behind the record rack and poked her head out from the side. "How 'bout a latte?" a ceramic figurine hit the wall and shattered.

"Out God damn you!" Howard shouted. He chucked another thing at her and then chased her out the door. He slammed the door, using his body and slid down to the floor. He pulled his knees close to his chest and wept.

Vince popped open the cabinet under the desk and crept out cautiously. "Sheesh, this is worse than I thought," he said. "Howard?" he reached his hand out, offering to help him.

"Don't touch me! I want to be alone!" Howard cried out, swinging his arm at him.

"What the hell's going on? I heard some things break," Naboo said. He walked out accompanied by Bollo.

"He's fine, he's fine. Come on Howard," Vince grabbed his arm.

"Get off me, I can get myself up!" Howard pulled away from him and brushed off his arm.

"What do you suppose's wrong with him?" Naboo asked.

"Maybe Harpo's lost his marbles," Bollo said.

"Howard Bollo, his name is Howard," Naboo whispered.

"Oh yeah, I mean Edward," Bollo said.

"Howard come on, we're not gonna be able to get through this if you keep acting so damn stubborn," Vince said.

"Just leave me alone already. I don't want anyone to bother with me," Howard said as he turned his head away and sat back down by the door.

"Vince do you know what's wrong with him?" Naboo asked.

"His girl left him, Poor Bugger," Vince sympathetically pat Howard on the shoulder.

"Stop touching me for god's sake! I'm not a dog!" Howard frowned.

"She did? I can't imagine why she'd leave you, what happened while you were gone?" Naboo asked.

"I know, what happened Howard?" Vince asked earnestly.

"I… ah well you see…" Howard sighed. He didn't want to recall any of it. He was going through enough pain from not being able to forget her. His mind repeatedly played memories of her like a crude projector. She was still with him even though she was gone.

"Well c'mon tell us," Vince said.

Howard grunted. "Well what the hell do you care? You hated her," he narrowed his brows.

"Oh I didn't hate her Howard. You kidding me? I liked her," Vince smiled.

"Really?" Howard turned his eyes up at him in disbelief.

"Yeah I did, really. She was good to you and she really influenced you. Like really, I noticed while you were seeing Alice, you weren't so irritable and up-tight as much, not to mention your Indian rub burns started to heal up," Vince tapped Howard's arm. Howard made a slight smile but then his face relaxed back into a melancholy expression. "I believe she brought out the best in you," Vince said.

"You really think so?" Howard asked. Vince nodded in approval.

"Lady weird but good for Herbert," Bollo declared.

"Well I don't know, what's done is done. I can't get her back," Howard said with a voice filled with sorrow.

"Of course you can, she'd take you back in a heartbeat. In fact, In fact, I know a way how," Vince said.

'No, no please I really can't. She told me it was best for the both of us."

"Howard do you really believe that?"

"Well… not really," Howard looked down. "But I'll manage eventually and I'll be fine."

"Uh… you told me you wanted to go disappear in the woods and become a hermit a moment ago, no you're not fine Howard!"

"Well maybe I exaggerated. Believe me I'm fine. I'm solid as a rock. It takes quite a bit to bring me down."

"Oh c'mon you're as soft as Play Dough! If someone told you that Weather Report broke up, you'd have a mental breakdown."

"Why would you say that? I'm already in enough pain as it is! I lost my girl and now you're jinxing Weather Report! Why God why?" Howard cried out, having a crisis.

"Alright, alright, calm down, just calm down," Vince raised his hands.

"Oh! Vince! Vince! I'm about to black out!" Howard put his hands to his face.

"Howard if you don't knock it off right now, I'm afraid we'll have to send you to the happy hotel where they wear white jackets," Naboo said.

"Ok… ok… I'm fine, I'm calm and serene," Howard took a few deep breaths.

"Better?" Vince asked.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm alright now," Howard said.

"Good 'cause I have a plan, but you're going to have to really trust me on this Howard," Vince put his arm on Howard's shoulder.

"Oh boy…" Howard knew whatever it was, it didn't sound too promising.


	15. Chapter 15

Vince led Howard to his room. "Alright Howard, remember that little city I was constructing?"

"I think I recall something like that, wasn't it something like Loonyburg?" Howard said.

"No it's Sunshineville, remember?" Vince grinned with enthusiasm.

"Yeah whatever had something to do with bubble gum and gumdrops and all that blithering nonsense, what's it have to do with anything?"

"Well it's completed! The mayor made me head chairperson of the city council and since Bollo went and got me the sugar, he became an advisor and well since you kind of missed out, there's not many positions left. You might just get like maybe something minor like a file clerk or a phone operator in the office but even then Anthrax just got that position so…."

"Alright, alright Vince, I get it! Just tell me where you're going with this,"

"Ok so Sunshineville…"

"Yes!" Howard exclaimed, sounding quite annoyed.

"They can help you out there," Vince smiled.

"Oh my God…" Howard groaned and threw his head back.

"What? What's the matter?" Vince asked.

"Vince I'm not hearing this anymore, the sheer lunacy of it all is just…"

"Oh come on Howard don't be a stick in the mud. The mayor wishes to see you, he asked for you personally."

"Vince I can't take it, I've heard enough of your big fish story," Howard grumbled.

"But I did catch a big one, see?" Vince held up a large fish out of nowhere.

"I miss my wife and kids… I don't know what happened, I just left the office and I ended up in this Burk's fishing boat!" the fish complained.

"Wha… when did you… wh… oh!" Howard shook his head with irritated confusion. "Just leave me be!"

"Wait, wait, wait!" Vince stopped him. "The mayor of Sunshineville can help you! He can!"

"Vince I'm not in the mood for your childish games. I mean for God's sake, it's made out of sugar cookies!" Howard glared bitterly.

"Please Howard, please, please, please, please, please give him a chance! You can ask for anything from him, you could get Alice back, you could ask to make your eyes bigger, you could even ask to have that… that thing removed from your chest!" Vince pleaded.

"I had that removed Vince…" Howard's voice was in a hushed tone. He touched his chest self-consciously.

"Oh good when was that?" Vince asked.

"Long ago…" Howard replied.

"Oh good because if she saw it she'd probably…"

"I don't't think it would've bothered her one bit," Howard interrupted him and crossed his arms.

"Yeah maybe you're right. She probably won't care if you get all gray and liver spotty, but for now use some of this concealer to cover that dark spot," Vince raised a stick of concealer to Howard's face.

"Stop that! I don't have any liver spots!" Howard shouted and smacked Vince's hand.

"Sorry just trying to help, but what about your dark circles? You got raccoon eyes," Vince pointed the concealer at Howard's lower lids.

"Enough! I'm a man! I don't wear make-up!" Howard exclaimed.

"Well what am I?" Vince jeered.

"You're… a mystery…"

Vince chuckled and put the concealer away. "Anyway back to Sunshineville. It's about time you head over there."

"What do I have to climb a beanstalk? Sorry I think I ran clear out of fairy dust," Howard said sarcastically.

"No there isn't a beanstalk but there's someone who takes you there," Vince opened the door to his room. He gestured for Howard to come in. Howard stepped in and gasped loudly. He turned around and attempted to run away. "Howard you have to," Vince blocked the doorway.

"No, no, no no, no! You can't make me! You can't make me!" Howard grabbed on the doorknob.

"Howard come on, get in there," Vince aid.

"Nooooooooooo!" Howard wailed.

"Don't be like that, he likes you,"

"I don't like him!"

"Just do it, c'mon!" Vince turned him around and pushed him. Howard screamed with fright. He was face to face with Charlie, the pink monster that haunted his dreams. He squealed and climbed on top of the bureau. Charlie lunged at the bureau, making it shake. Howard cried out and gripped the sides.

"Howard get down from there!" Vince shouted.

"Nooooooooo!" Howard cried.

"Charlie's only trying to help you!" Vince shouted.

Howard cried out. He heard the wood cracking as the bubble gum beast thrashed his body into it. He jumped on the bed before the bureau fell and collapsed on the floor. Charlie roared and reached across the bed. Howard scurried across the bed and leaped on the table. He screamed and shielded his face with his arms as the monster charged at him.

"Howard stop that! You're making Charlie nervous!" Vince frowned.

"Oh I'm making him nervous? You don't say!" Howard laughed hysterically. "I can't imagine how scared he must be!" he cackled madly. He curled up in the corner as Charlie slammed into the table, making the lamp shatter on the floor. He was trapped. He knew there'd be no escaping the monster, but then he noticed the window. He tumbled on the floor to get to it.

"Howard! Are you nuts?" Vince shouted.

"It's my only way out! I have to!" Howard climbed onto the windowsill. He slid the window open and looked out insecurely. The building for some reason seemed higher as he looked out. He nervously sat on the ledge. "Ok I'm gonna do it… but before I do, in the drawer by my bed are some poems I've been working on… take them to Hamilton Cork to get published except put them under another name 'cause I don't think he likes me. Put it under uh… Hayward Mood… yeah that'll do just fine, he'll never know it's me…"

Vince placed his hand on his forehead and shook his head. "Pathetic," he muttered.

"Alright here it—oh!" Howard's hat suddenly fell out the window. The hat floated down to the street and then got shredded up by a car. His eyes almost bugged out. "Um… ok I'm going to try and land in that tree over there… let's hope I make it… here it goes!" Howard's voice quivered. He pushed off the edge like a professional swimmer going into a pool.

"Howard!" Vince shrieked.

Suddenly, Charlie stretched out his tongue and wrapped it around Howard's waist. "Wait! W-wait! No-no-no!" Howard squealed. He grabbed on the edge with all his might but Charlie pulled on him. "No! I'd rather jump than be eaten!" he screamed. His hands slipped from the edge of the window like butter. "Vince! Vince! Make him stop!" he shrieked. Charlie dragged him on the floor. He frantically grabbed at the carpet but it was no use. The monster was far too strong. "Don't kill me! I have so much to give!" he whimpered. He let out a high-pitched wail.

Vince laughed. "Wow Howard, you wail like Geddy Lee! Ever considered joining a band?"

"Help me! Why don't you help me you idiot? Mummie!" Howard wailed.

Charlie released Howard in the middle of the room. "Good boy Charlie! You saved the jazzy man!" Vince hugged Charlie.

Howard gasped and panted. He slowly got up from the floor, shaking out of control.

"See? Didn't I tell you he likes you?" Vince said as he petted Charlie.

"I suppose…" Howard kept his distance from the pink monster.

"He's going to help you out Howard, alright? You're going to be fine," Vince said.

"Alright…" Howard put out his hand for Charlie. The pink beast grinned and lunged at Howard with his mouth wide open.

"Vince you stupid son of a…"


End file.
